A New Box For Dannii!

I couldn't stand the thought of closing Dannii's Box forever, so I have made a new home for Dannii's Dirty Box - here! I thought it would be a good way to keep the Dannii posts separate and I can update it when I get new Dannii material without interrupting Pop Trash Addicts. The new site is a work in progress, so please excuse the mess.

I really hate the current Dannii's Dirty Box template but the new options are utterly vile. I wanted something fabulous but the best I could find was that black monstrosity. The black has a certain porn-site chic about it but what is with the hideous pastel labels. Does anyone know how I can gay it up a bit? Dannii's Box deserves better!

Closing Dannii's Box

The time has finally come to close Dannii's Dirty Box. I originally intended to make the switch from Pop Trash Addicts for only a couple of days in order to honour Dannii's return to television, but was soon caught up in the unprecedented tidal wave of Dannii-mania that swept through Blogland! I have really enjoyed exploring the nooks and crannies of Dannii's fabulous career and am proud of the amount of material I was able to get through. I posted several rare tracks, celebrated Dannii's stunning acting career, irrefutably proved that Dannii is the ultimate gay icon, lovingly remembered Dannii's nude modelling days, appreciated her lesbian ways and showed some love to Dannii's early releases!

However, there were several bumps along the way. I was deluged with hate-mail from the Dannii Board, received threats of legal action, was IP banned from Dannii's forum and from SayHey (yet again) and received abusive messages from Robpop fans. All in all, it has been an eventful few weeks! I need to thank Tommie, Jay, Rob, Brian and MoistSexBox for all of the great material they have very generously shared with me.

I would just like to take this chance to remind people that there is no excuse for not completing your Dannii collection. Dannii's early material is still quite easy to find on Australian Ebay, while her later output is available at every quality online retailer. There is absolutely no excuse for Australian fans not to own "The Hits & Beyond", as it is currently on sale at JB Hi-Fi and HMV for $10. It's the bargain of the decade! Just make sure you get a copy with the bonus DVD.

I will be back in a few days with a re-vamped Pop Trash Addicts. If you are not familiar with my old Blog, check out the archives. Dannii is a regular and I promise to post new Dannii material as soon as I receive it. Expect to see music by other international superstars like Melissa Tkautz, Kelly Llorenna, Nicki French, La Toya Jackson, Marcia Hines and Laura Imbruglia in the very near future. I hope you have all enjoyed Dannii's Dirty Box as much as I have!

The Dannii Float At Mardi Gras

I am head over heels in love with the fabulous fags behind "Dannii Pride" at Mardi Gras. These three amazing people brought Dannii's plight to the masses with their "I Can Sing Too!" slogan. A big thanks to Rob for the pic.

My 25 Favourite Dannii Songs

I've been debating whether I should countdown my favourite Dannii songs since opening Dannii's Dirty Box. I resisted because it is completely arbitrary - my favourites change on a daily basis. But what the fuck! These are my 25 favourite Dannii songs. As of today. I'm sure you'll agree that each and every one of them is a work of poptastic genius. Dannii might have spent more time lying on a beach than most lifeguards, but who is going to begrudge her some relaxation when she keeps turning out gems like these?

25. Work (Love & Kisses, album track)

Drivin’ in my brand new Benz 190
My homegirl Sheila
She’s coolin’ right beside me

Given her current standing as the undisputed queen of dance, it is easy to forget that Dannii launched her career with an eye firmly on the American market and that meant a pop album with a distinctly urban edge. I love Dannii's debut album and "Work" stands out as one of her most amusing R'n'B experiments.

24. Everybody Changes Underwater (Girl, album track)

Diving deeper, beckoned by dolphins

I can't decide if this is one of Dannii's best songs or one of her worst. Whatever the case may be, it is certainly the most bizarre thing Dannii has ever recorded. Dannii spends 6 minutes talking about water and dolphins against a backdrop of eerie electronic bleeps. Experimental genius or a load of stinking shit? I'm not sure but I know I like it!

23. Show You The Way To Go (Get Into You, single - #30 UK, #104 Aus)

Follow me my friend
Let me show ya, let me show you the way to go

As La Toya Jackson's self-proclaimed number 1/only Australian fan, I have always had a soft spot for the crazy Jackson clan. Therefore, Dannii's cover of the Jacksons' "Show You The Way To Go" was always going to be irresistable to me. Which is lucky because everyone else seems to despise the song.

Watch - Show You The Way To Go

22. Mighty Fine (Neon Nights, album track)

Zip a de day, just sail (your troubles away)

The first time I heard "Neon Nights", the song that really stood out for me was "Mighty Fine". The only reason for its low placing is the simple fact that I've played it 3000 times and need a rest. "Mighty Fine" reminds me of the slow disco classics of the late 70s, with its full sound and dreamy lyrics. A slice of pop heaven!

21. Coconut (Girl, single - #62 Aus)

Doctor, is there nothing I can take
to relieve this bellyache?
Now let me get this straight

"Coconut" reminds me of the Sydney gay scene. In fact, I heard it twice last night! It's pure dance trash but that's exactly why I like it. And what other song can boast its own drug taking game?!

20. This Is The Way (Get Into You, single - #27 UK, #45 Aus)

Alone in a crowd in a city
Searching for love

"Get Into You" is probably my least favourite Dannii album but it did have some great singles. I love the faux American pop vibe of "This Is The Way" and the video is pure gold.

19. Vibe On (Neon Nights, album track)

Jump on top it
Sit right on it

When confronted with trashy, low class individuals like Robpop who claim that Dannii is nothing but a cheap imitation of Kylie, I always bring up "Vibe On". Kylie wouldn't sing a song about her vibrator if her life depended on it, even though she probably has a bigger collection than Dannii. "Vibe On" sums up all of Dannii's best qualities - her sense of humour, the fact that she doesn't take herself too seriously and her love of plastic cock. What more could you want in a pop star? Dannii explains the song by maintaining that it is really about sitting on speakers - bitch, please.

18. Boogie Woogie (Japan only single, #1 Japan)

You know you made a difference in my life
You came along and eased my troubled mind

I love Dannii's brief stint as Japan's leading dance diva. "Rescue Me" is fabulous but "Boogie Woogie" gets my vote due to its distinctively Euro sound. Whigfield would be jealous of this little gem. It's that good!

17. It’s Amazing (Girl, album track)

It’s only when the night descends upon me
That I realise no one can take your place

"It's Amazing" is one of Dannii's most gorgeous ballads. This is Xenomania at their absolute best. The production is a delight, with beautiful strings, heavy breathing and subtle electronic bleeps. This is one of the many tracks from "Girl" that cried out to be released as a single. "It's Amazing" is a romantic treat.

16. I Don’t Wanna Take This Pain (Love & Kisses, single - #40 UK, #92 Aus)

If loving you is wrong
Then wrong has got to be right

You either love R'n'B Dannii or you hate it. I obviously love it and in my opinion, the rap duel towards the end of this song is one of the most glorious moments in Dannii's entire catalogue. I particularly love the 12" version, which is the closest Dannii will ever get to sounding like SoulIISoul!

15. Jump To The Beat (Love & Kisses, single - #8 UK, #48 Aus)

Embrace the good things in life
Come on and dance with me

I much prefer the original Australian version of "Love & Kisses" to the English version, with one exception - the poptastic "Jump To The Beat". The song was a desperate ploy to spark some interest in the UK and it worked a treat, making #8 in the charts. "Jump To The Beat" is irresistable bubblegum pop.

14. Perfection (The Hits & Beyond, single - #11 UK, #13 Aus)

I’m aching inside
I’m aching inside for you

You could not go into a Sydney gay club last year and not hear "Perfection". The first time I heard it, I thought the song was cheap and cheerful trash. However, it has grown on me immensely and I now realise that Dannii has unleashed yet another pop masterpiece. The video is priceless. I'm sure Dannii filmed it on her camcorder during one of her many trips to Ibiza!

13. Success (Love & Kisses, single - #11 UK, #26 Aus)

Tell me are you ready
Really really ready for success

I think "Success" is a great song but it has a deeper meaning as Dannii's declaration of intent. In fact, I think of "Success" as Dannii's personal anthem. She had her sights set on pop stardom and nothing was going to stand in her way. Well, apart from Kylie and a couple of hundred holidays. I'm so happy that Dannii is now experiencing success as the queen of UK club music and as a judge on Australia's 4th most watched show.

12. Don’t Wanna Lose This Feeling (Neon Nights, single - #5 UK, #22 Aus)

I said some things
That did not ring true

The fourth single from "Neon Nights" was a blast of 100% pure pop fun. The mash-up with Madonna's "Into The Groove" is brilliantly done and Dannii looks like a goddess in the video. A rare example of a record company getting everything right. AATW, please take note.

11. Get Into You (Get Into You, single - #36 UK, #79 Aus)

I don’t want your love
I want your soul instead

"Get Into You" sounds more like early 90s En Vogue than Dannii Minogue. It should be awful but it's actually rather sublime. I think Dannii's voice suits this sound surprisingly well. In fact, I think Dannii should revive freestyle as her next project! I've uploaded a club mix to balance out the R'n'B flavour.

10. Begin To Spin Me Round (Neon Nights, single - #2 UK, #14 Aus)

You’re a sinner but you told me you’re a saint
Too fast I tripped and lost my way
Can’t believe what’s happened to me lately

I truly believed that this would be Dannii's first #1 hit. As one of the best songs of this decade, it deserved to sit at the top of the pop charts. The song is hot in its own right but mashed with Dead Or Alive's "Spin Me Round", it is utterly perfect. The video is also superb, particularly when Dannii cuts off her hair. I've uploaded the excellent extended version.

9. Love & Kisses (Love & Kisses, single - #8 UK, #4 Aus)

You’re the kind of girl
That I want to keep
We ain’t at McDonalds
So what’s your beef?

Danni's debut single was an absolute corker. I remember running to buy the 7" single, which came with a fold out poster that had pride of place in my bedroom for years. The lyrics are adorable and Dannii is definitely not "the plain Jane type"! An Australian pop classic.

8. Feel Like I Do (So Under Pressure, B-side)

I want your number baby
So write it down on me

I still can't believe that something as brilliant as "Feel Like I Do" ended up as the B-side to "So Under Pressure". What the fuck? From the opening piano/keyboards to the killer chorus, this song screams out to be a single. This is the gravest pop injustice since Kylie's "Tightrope" ended up as a shitty bonus track. I'm still mad!

7. So In Love With Yourself (Girl, album track)

So in love with yourself
How could you love somebody else?

This was my favourite Dannii song for many a year but I think I've played it a couple of thousand times too often. "So In Love With Yourself" is about as classy as dance music gets. The vocals, the melody and the production are all gorgeous. Fuck, Kylie even sings back-up! If this was released as the second single from "Girl" instead of "Everything I Wanted", the album would have stood a much greater chance of success. As it is, this stunning anthem remains a fan favourite.

6. For The Record (Neon Nights, album track)

It’s just a thirst
And I’m drunk on the addiction

"Neon Nights" really is an amazing achievement. The album just gets better with age and I continue to find new favourites. "For The Record" is a slice of disco heaven. There hasn't been anything quite this fabulous since the 80s. I don't think "For The Record" was ever considered as a single and in all honesty, it doesn't have the edge of an "I Begin To Wonder" or "Put The Needle On It". Instead, "For The Record" exudes fun and warmth. Like Dannii, this song just gets better with age!

5. Come & Get It (Neon Nights, digital single Germany)

If tonight is going right
Move in a little closer

J.C.A. should be legally obliged to work on every Dannii album. The man behind "I Begin To Wonder" created what has to be the most spectacular "hidden track" in musical history. "Come & Get It" is an insanely catchy floorfiller, which works brilliantly as a straight-up pop song. I sincerely believe that Dannii threw away a #1 hit. Oh well.

4. This Is It (Get Into You, single - #10 UK, #13 Aus)

I’m lost for words, I’m in a daze
Stunned and amazed by your open ways

Dannii's cover of Melba Moore's "This Is It" was her first big Australian hit after a string of flops. I remember how great it was to have Dannii back on Video Hits and Rage. The video even became a much spoofed phenomenon and I can remember the steps to the tacky dance routine to this very day. There is nothing subtle or original about "This Is It". It's just good, old-fashioned, gay-as-all-fuck pop music! I've included Dannii's live interpretation for the "25 Years of Mushroom" concert.

3. Am I Dreaming? (Girl, album track)

Can you hear me, hear me calling?

"Girl" is such a quirky pop album. If Dannii's detractors ever took the time to actually listen to it, I'm sure they would be impressed. "Am I Dreaming?" has aged remarkably well. The song sounds as fresh today as it did 10 years ago. "Am I Dreaming?" is not your average piece of dance-fluff. The lyrics are thoughtful and the melody is drenched in melancholy. It really is a very impressive achievement.

2. Who Do You Love Now? (Neon Nights, single - #3 UK, #15 Aus)

And it’s hard to break a habit

Dannii revived her career with this dark and brooding dance epic. I was living in Europe when "Who Do you Love Now?" was released and I was floored to hear Dannii on a German radio station. Dannii was not only back on the charts but was suddenly a cutting-edge dance diva with a sexy, new dyke-tastic hairstyle. Dannii has since made a habit of re-interpreting instrumental club hits but she is yet to match the brilliance of "Stringer". This is as good as dance music gets. Check out the French version of "Who Do You Love Now?".

1. Party Jam (Love & Kisses, album track)

Hey yo listen up
My name is Dannii
It’s time to get loose to my
Brand new Jammy!

Shut up. I love it! I know "Party Jam" is not the best song in Dannii's catalogue of hits but it is my favourite. When I purchased "Love & Kisses", I didn't know what to think of Dannii's solo material until "Party Jam" came blaring out of the stereo. I was instantly smitten. To my 10 year old ears, Dannii's rapping made her the coolest woman on the planet. Obviously, I have since realised that "Party Jam" does not exactly count as gangster rap. I still believe that Dannii does not get enough recognition for how unusual it was for an Australian pop act to combine urban elements at that time. As usual, Dannii was decades ahead of her time. It took Kylie until 2003 to go down the same path with "Body Language" - some 13 years later.

Happy Mardi Gras From Dannii's Box!

I hope everyone had (or is still having) a great Mardi Gras. I feel a bit worse for wear but my weekly dose of Dannii on "Australia's Got Talent" has made everything feel better. Dannii was so funny tonight, particularly when she rejected the dancers who named her as their personal hero. Whoops. I loved the dancing kids. It was "Young Talent Time" all over again, no wonder Dannii liked them!

I couldn't help revisting history once again with another look at how things should have been for Dannii dearest, particularly after the hysterical reaction that greeted the last picture. Once again, I have to thank Mr Froggy for the amazing art. I want to see Dannii do "Let's get To It"!

The Way That History Intended...

Retro Dannii Remixes

Dannii's Dirty Box is slowly coming to an end and I realise that I haven't paid enough attention to the early years of Dannii's brilliant career. I have collected a handful of early remixes, which will give new fans some indication of Dannii's fabulous roots and remind old fans of Dannii's brilliance.

"Everything I Wanted" was the second single from "Girl". Sadly, it is probably the worst song on the album and basically killed the entire project. The single version was pretty dire but the Xenomania remix is a reminder of how good that outfit used to be.

One of the highlights of Dannii's second album, "Get Into You", is undoubtedly "This Is The Way". In fact, it's still one of my favourite Dannii singles. "The Cool 7" Version" is better yet!

"Success" is a song that is near and dear to all Dannii fans. Here is one of the better remixes.

Dannii is an undisputed master of cover versions and one of her best is "Baby Love".

"Disremembrance" was the third single from "Girl". There are arguably better songs on "Girl" but I still love this. Particularly the "bimbo goth" video, with Dannii crying in what appears to be a graveyard. I have always enjoyed this remix.

I vaguely remember someone requesting "Hallucination". I apologise for not remembering exactly who it was. "Hallucination" was the B-side to "Jump To The Beat" in Australia and "Baby Love" in Japan. I personally think that "Hallucination" is Dannii's trashtastic opus. This song has everything - sirens, barking and Dannii throwing down some hot rhymes - against a crazy 90s house track. Something about it also reminds me of "Justify My Love", if it were covered by Ya Kid K in 1992!

Youtube Goodies

I would hate to think how many hours of my life I have wasted, wading through fabulous crap on youtube. It never ceases to amaze me what you can find if you are desperate enough to keep looking. Here are some of my favourite Dannii related clips:

• Kylie & Dannii perform "Kids" together. Dannii totally steals the show with her blazing talent and unbridled sex appeal! - watch here
• Dannii mimes "Who Do You Love Now?" brilliantly on German TV. Dannii has never looked so alluring! - watch here
• Tranny Dannii sings "So Under Pressure" at an English beach party - watch here
• Dannii sings a medley of hits live on "Sunrise". "Put The Needle On It" sounds surprisingly good live. Shame about the dancing - watch here
• A biting "I Begin To Wonder" spoof. I love the part about being haunted by Kylie's butt. Classy! - watch here
• Gina Riley's fabulous Dannii impersonation, singing "Famous Sister" - watch here
• Kylie surprises Dannii at GAY nightclub - watch here
• My favourite Dannii video is without a doubt "This Is It". I have even been known to do the dance routine when sufficiently intoxicated. Sad but true. Note that Julian McMahon is looking sexy as always - watch here
• MaryCherry, fabulous NZ drag queen and Don'tStopThePop contributor, throws it down to Dannii's "Perfection". MaryCherry is the diva in the middle. That is some seriously hot fan action, Aaron! - watch here
• It's time for some mash-ups! I love this: Dannii Vs Garbage. It actually sounds rather good - watch here
• "Got To Be For The Record" mashes Kylie's "Got To Be Certain" with Dannii's "For The Record". I like it alot. The clip is rather lovely too. The people making these things should be working in the industry - watch here
• "Got To Be Love & Kisses" another Kylie Vs Dannii match. Dannii wins! - watch here
• The best mash-up, rather surprisingly, is Dannii Vs Justin Timberlake with "Like I Spin You Round". This clip is a thing of beauty and the song is great. In fact, it's better than most professional mixes. My only qualm is Kylie's cameo singing "Can't Get You Out Of My Head"! WTF? But who cares, I still want an MP3! - watch here

If you just have time to watch one clip, make sure it is this. The first time I saw this, it literally took my breath away. This is so fundamentally wrong on so many levels that I now consider it to be a work of utter genius. Dannii sings "Hakuna Matata" to a group of starving, disinterested children in Africa. They may not have food but they sure were entertained!

Don't miss: Dannii performing Hakuna Matata

Dannii In Success Shocker!

We know she has been "really, really ready" for years, but Dannii has finally had some success! The ratings for "Australia's Got Talent" are through the roof, being the fourth most watched program on Australian television. It's time to hurry up and re-release "The Hits & Beyond". Dannii is officially the new Marcia Hines!

Here are last Sunday's ratings for Sydney:

1 UGLY BETTY 1,851 m
2 GREY'S ANATOMY 1,730 m
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN 1,419 m
4 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT 1,391 m
5 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION 1,379 m
6 CSI: MIAMI 1,211 m
7 60 MINUTES 1,159 m
8 NATIONAL NINE NEWS SUNDAY 1,157 m
9 20 TO 1 1,142 m
10 PLANET EARTH 1,117 m

For the week:

#1 Ugly Betty
#2 Dancing with the Stars
#3 Grey’s Anatomy
#4 Australia’s Got Talent
#6 Desperate Housewives
#7 Seven News – Sunday
#8 SCU: Serious Crash Unit
#9 Border Security
#10 All Saints
#11 Heroes
#16 Seven News – Monday-Friday
#18 My Name Is Earl
#19 Today Tonight
#20 Lost

I'm so happy that Dannii is well and truly back in the spotlight. How could the show possibly fail when it showcases this kind of amazing talent?!

Just Can't Give You Up - Unreleased

"Just Can't Give You Up" is another of the unreleased "Neon Nights" tracks to leak towards the end of last year. In my opinion, it is the best of the bunch - and I think the other tracks are pretty shit hot! It really is quite hard to fathom how something this oustanding was not even considered good enough to be a "Neon Nights" B-side. I guess the sheer volume of excellent music resulted in a couple of amazing songs falling through the cracks. I find it even more difficult to comprehend why the song was not used for "The Hits & Beyond". Dannii is one of the co-writers, along with Terry Ronald and Ian Masterson, so surely she could have taken it with her to AATW. This is pure gold in comparison to some of the mediocre rubbish she has churned out since signing with her new label. The things I would do to hear the other "Neon Nights" rejects - particularly the songs Dannii recorded with Roger Sanchez! I have my fingers crossed that they will turn up one day.

The song has already appeared on youtube and someone has been kind enough to make a clip for it. Watch it here.

Neon Nights: The B-sides

I have already returned to the deep well of the "Neon Nights" sessions several times for one simple fact - they generated an amazing quantity of stunning pop music. I assume that everyone already owns a copy of "Neon Nights". If you don't it is your duty as a pop fan to order one today. The album is sublime, the leaked tracks have been dynamite and the B-sides are top shelf pop. No wonder Dannii had so much trouble deciding what to put on the album, the sheer volume of excellent music is positively overwhelming.

I have already posted "Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore?", which was the "I Begin To Wonder" B-side in France. The other B-sides are just as outstanding. I've included "Hide & Seek", "Nervous", "Goodbye Song" and the excellent "Neon Nights Megamix" for your listening pleasure. I have also thrown in "Don't Wanna Lose This Groove (Extended Bootleg Mix)" for the lovely Jeroen. It is the best recording Madonna has been involved in since the late 80s. I think my personal favourite is "Nervous", which shows Dannii at her fierce and fabulous best.

Deep Inside Dannii's Box

Just like Celine Dion's heart, Dannii's Dirty Box will go on! I had reached the point a couple of days ago, when I thought I would just swap back to Pop Trash Addicts and be done with all of the loons and Dannii droids. I was starting to get laugh lines reading messages from people pretending to be Dannii's solicitors sent from hotmail addresses like DanniizGurl4Eva and DannEholic. Dannii is a pure slice of heaven but I'm not ready to get wrinkles for her!

But FUCK it. I already had a couple of posts in the works and I'm going to post them. I transformed my humble little Blog into Dannii's Dirty Box with the express purpose of honouring Dannii's return to television and sharing what should be the universal love of all things Dannii. This entire experience has been too much fun to not finish what I started. Again, I'd like to thank everyone for their e-mails and comments.

If you need further proof that not all Dannii fans are moronic nutters, check out this glorious Myspace site:

http://www.myspace.com/prayingdanntiis

I think the Praying Danntiis is the most glorious creation since the infamous Dannii Goose. Respect!

The Wrath Of The Dannii Board

It has come to my attention that Dannii's Dirty Box has upset the powers that be at the Dannii Board. The whole point of the temporary transformation of my Blog was to celebrate and promote Dannii's fabulous career. In just two weeks, I have received more than 30 e-mails from readers telling me that they have seen the light and intend to start building their Dannii collections. That excludes the e-mails and messages from fans (and haters) commenting on the site. I have purposely stayed away from posting album tracks or readily available material because I want people to go out and buy it. If Dannii's record label(s) is unhappy with anything I have posted, they can contact me at trash_lurver@yahoo.com.au and I will remove the offending material. It does sadden me that certain people have nothing better to do than threaten a genuine fan, who has followed Dannii's career with great dedication since the mid-1980s.

It Wont Work Out (Dance Mix) - Unreleased

The second episode of "Australia's Got Talented" was even more tragic than the first! I'm seriously in love with the show and Dannii's attention seeking antics. Dannii looked amazing again this week, wearing an alluring scarf wrapped around her head. Very Norma Desmond! The highlight for me was Dannii's withering response to the crazy guy who played "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" on a vacuum cleaner. That's classy television in anyone's language! I guess, I should get back to the music.

A wonderful thing happened late last year, when several songs from the "Neon Nights" sessions finally started to leak. "It Won't Work Out" should be instantly familiar to anyone who owns a copy of "Neon Nights", which I assume is all of you! It's the mid-tempo electro ballad that, in my opinion, does not quite gel with the rest of the album. The song is lovely and often cited as a fan favourite but it just seems a bit out of place. I think the leaked dance mix would have been a much better fit. I'd be interested to know if the song began as a ballad or an uptempo number. I like them both but I prefer the fast version. An acoustic version of the song was part of the scrapped "Platinum Collection" tracklisting. Hopefully, it will turn up eventually. I'd love to hear it.

The Mysterious Dannii Goose

The Dannii goose is back due to popular demand!

One of the rarest and most mysterious of all waterbirds, the Dannii goose can be found roosting along the East coast of Australia and occasionally, central London. However, the Dannii goose is strongly migratory and spends much of the year breeding and wintering in the warm waters off the Balearic Islands, particularly Ibiza. The Dannii goose is easily distinguished from other varieties of geese due to its strong attraction to dance music and nightclubs. In fact, bird watchers across the globe claim to have witnessed the Dannii goose waddling out of discos in a disorientated manner in the early hours of the morning.

Following a largely vegetarian diet, the Dannii goose is said to be especially partial to champagne and mixed drinks. In times of drought, the Dannii goose has even been known to steal GBH from clubbers in order to sustain itself. Behaviourally, the Dannii goose most closely resembles the Central American tree sloth and Bonobo chimpanzee. Like the tree sloth, the Dannii goose has been known to do nothing for months at a time, while it shares the Bonobo's habit of mating with anything that moves, regardless of gender. If you spot this majestic creature in the wild, approach it with extreme caution.

These pictures are brought to you with thanks to MoistSexBox.

Do The Capsizing Boat!

Alyson recently brought my attention to the most amazing Dannii article ever published. Only Dannii could spark a new dance trend while watching people drown. If anyone needs proof of Dannii's skill for innovation, then this is it!

Fans miss Dannii's cue
July 29 2003

Dannii Minogue sparked a new dance trend at an outdoor concert when she tried to alert the crowd to a capsized boat in the lake behind them.

The Australian pop star began pointing frantically over the heads of the audience as she saw the boat overturn at the water park in Warwickshire, England.

But the fans thought it was a new dance move and began joining in, pointing back at her, British newspaper the Daily Star reported.

The sailor managed to scramble ashore without help and was embarrassed to discover Minogue, 32, had seen his mishap.

"I really enjoyed performing here today but there was a moment in my act when, yes, I was a bit concerned," Minogue said.

"Someone sailing on one of the lakes capsized. I wanted to stop singing and shout: 'He's capsized! Help him! Help him!' Then I saw him come up and he seemed to be doing fine."

Teenage fan Gemma Jones, 13, said she had not realised anything was wrong.

"I saw her doing this strange move which was not like her normal dance routines. I thought it might be some new sort of dance craze and started copying," Jones said.

"Every time she pointed out at us, we pointed back at her."

Unreleased Dannii - By Way Of Denise Lopez

The "Neon Nights" sessions were such a fertile period in Dannii's career that the vaults of London Records are positively bursting with unreleased Dannii material. Some of the songs have finally started to leak, while others have been re-recorded and used by other acts. One such act is the Swedish sensation, Denise Lopez. Denise not only got her hands on two of Dannii's fabulous rejects but somehow got Dannii to sing back-up vocals on one of them.

The tracks in questions, "Karma Sutra" and "Sex Dice", are both excellent and both written by Dannii. "Karma Sutra" is the song that features Dannii on backing vocals and sounds like a slightly more poptastic version of "Vibe On". "Sex Dice" is even better. I love the tacky lyrics about rolling "a 6 and a 9". Classy. This song is so Danniitastic, I can almost picture her singing it! Both songs would have slotted in nicely with the other tracks on "Neon Nights" due to their catchy beats and slutastic lyrics. If only Dannii had released something akin to the hyper-edition of Kylie's "Fever", which included all the B-sides and other goodies. Instead, Dannii's hard work has passed on to delightful lady pictured above. I'm not sure what the Denise Lopez story is, all I know is that she comes from Sweden and releases Dannii's sloppy seconds. I love her already!

A big thanks to Blogland's most infamous Dannii hater, Robpop, for sending me the tracks. We all know he has a secret Dannii shrine hidden away behind his sling and harness!

Oh No, She Didn't!

It's hard to believe that an international style icon like Dannii could ever leave the house looking anything less than perfect. It may be almost impossible to believe, but Dannii has her share of bad hair days and run ins with the fashion police. Here are some of the moments that remind us that Dannii is human after all.

There really is no excuse...

Not even Dannii can pull off ginga serial killer chic

Put down the pipe, darlin'

The last time Dannii hires Deirdre Halliwell as a stylist

We know you like fish fingers but is that any reason to wear a tracksuit?

Dannii auditions for "Showgirls 2"

Dannii's Second #1 Japanese Hit!

One of the most curious phases of Dannii's brilliant career is her brief stint as the queen of Japanese dance as a result of her collaborations with Eurogroove. I have already posted the delicious "Boogie Woogie", which climbed all the way to #1 in Japan. Now, with thanks to Brian, I am able share Dannii's other collaboration with Eurogroove, "Rescue Me". Like "Boogie Woogie", "Rescue Me" was a #1 Japanese hit and Brian tells me that all of Japan was completely paralysed with Dannii-mania on its release! Oh, to have experienced consecutive #1 Dannii hits!

The song is not quite as bubblegum as "Boogie Woogie" but it is a seriously fun slice of 90s dance pop. Dannii needs to call up the guys from Eurogroove and beg them to work on her next album. They were obviously onto something. "Rescue Me" reminds me of Kylie circa "Let's Get To It". Something about this song demands the waving of a glow stick! I've also included the craptastic remixes. Thanks again, Brian!

Yuletide Dannii

What would Christmas be without Dannii? Like a song with no melody or a man without a penis, I hear you saying. Well, it's no longer necessary to wait in frantic anticipation for one of Dannii's stunning "Carols By Candlelight" performances. Dannii recorded "I'll Be Home For Christmas" for the annual Myer Christmas charity album last year. I'm not particularly fond of Christmas songs but listening to "I'll Be Home For Christmas" makes me wonder why Dannii has recorded so few ballads. She really can belt it out when she feels like it. Dannii makes my yuletide merry and gay!

The Man Behind Dannii - Terry Ronald

Rogers & Hammerstein, Kander & Ebb, Gilbert & Sullivan - all come to mind when you think about the great songwriting partnerships of the last century. It is only a matter of time before Terry Ronald & Dannii Minogue join this illustrious company in acknowledgement of their breathtaking contribution to modern music. Anyone who has ever ventured into the murky waters of the Dannii Forum will know Terry Ronald as Tezza. We all love Tezza for providing us insight into Dannii's glamorous existence. Dannii's demented cyber world would feel empty without him.

Most fans will be familiar with the songs that Tezza has written for artists as diverse as Dannii, Sheena Easton and Bananarama. However, Terry's fabulous career as a failed popstar is less well known. I love Tezza's floptastic debut album, which is worth hunting down for the amazing "Calm The Rage". Isn't the lovely floral single cover just so GAY? One of Terry's more obscure works is the "Studio Sessions" from 1990, which I believe was originally only pressed on 10" vinyl and given away at concerts. The album is rather lovely, showcasing Tezza's magnificent white soul vocals. Mick Hucknall eat your heart out! Jay was kind enough to share the album with me and I have uploaded a couple of songs for your listening pleasure.

Remembering Lezzigate

How amazing is the above picture? A skanky stripper munching on Dannii's rug. I love it! In fact, I love the entire Lezzigate scandal. It reinforces so much of what I love about Dannii. She is a bit of a bad girl. She's not averse to the occasional friendly finger by a lovely lesbian. She is fierce and fabulous. She basically doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks about her.

My favourite part of the scandal was Dannii's explanation that she was just having a girl's night out. I'm not sure what most women get up to on a Saturday night out with the girls - but is cunnilingus usually part of the program?

Come And Get It - J.C.A. Featuring Dannii

Since the day that Dannii's Dirty Box first opened its pink flaps to the public, I have been weighing up whether I should do some kind of countdown or make a list of my favourite Dannii songs. It sounds like a lot of fun but I just don't think I could choose between them. However, I am certain that Dannii's collaboration with J.C.A. would, at the very least, be in my top 10. "Come And Get It" is an exquisite slice of dance-pop that should have delivered Dannii her first #1 hit. Instead, the song suffered the indignity of ending up as one of those ridiculous hidden tracks on certain editions of "Neon Nights".

Just when it seemed that all was lost, Dannii's German record company outed itself as the knight in shining armour who would save the song from pop oblivion by announcing that "Come & Get It" would be the 4th Single from "Neon Nights" in Germany. Dannii's fans rejoiced that one of the greatest pop injustices of recent years would be rectified to some extent. The record company appeared committed to making the song a success - remixes were commissioned, promos were released and a video clip was planned. And then, the record company pulled the plug due Dannii being unavailable for promotion due to previous commitments. I think that's code for "Holidannii strikes again".

"Come And Get It" was eventually released as a digital single in Germany and I am very happy to bring it to you with thanks to Tommie. Get ready to enjoy one of Dannii's finest pop moments.

Dannii's Fabulous Rack

One of the many things I love about Dannii is her inability to keep her clothes on. Dannii is keeping the nude model/pop star flame alive, following in the footsteps of living legends like Sabrina Salerno, Tatjana, Samantha Fox and La Toya Jackson. For that she deserves our respect and admiration! I love Dannii's nude spreads to the point where I'm worried about being some kind of latent heterosexual. It's not the nudity that fascinates me, rather it is the pin up girl kitsch, which does not appear to have changed since the days of Bettie Page. This post is an appreciation of Dannii's services to perverts the world over. We salute you!