My 25 Favourite Dannii Songs

I've been debating whether I should countdown my favourite Dannii songs since opening Dannii's Dirty Box. I resisted because it is completely arbitrary - my favourites change on a daily basis. But what the fuck! These are my 25 favourite Dannii songs. As of today. I'm sure you'll agree that each and every one of them is a work of poptastic genius. Dannii might have spent more time lying on a beach than most lifeguards, but who is going to begrudge her some relaxation when she keeps turning out gems like these?

25. Work (Love & Kisses, album track)

Drivin’ in my brand new Benz 190
My homegirl Sheila
She’s coolin’ right beside me

Given her current standing as the undisputed queen of dance, it is easy to forget that Dannii launched her career with an eye firmly on the American market and that meant a pop album with a distinctly urban edge. I love Dannii's debut album and "Work" stands out as one of her most amusing R'n'B experiments.

24. Everybody Changes Underwater (Girl, album track)

Diving deeper, beckoned by dolphins

I can't decide if this is one of Dannii's best songs or one of her worst. Whatever the case may be, it is certainly the most bizarre thing Dannii has ever recorded. Dannii spends 6 minutes talking about water and dolphins against a backdrop of eerie electronic bleeps. Experimental genius or a load of stinking shit? I'm not sure but I know I like it!

23. Show You The Way To Go (Get Into You, single - #30 UK, #104 Aus)

Follow me my friend
Let me show ya, let me show you the way to go

As La Toya Jackson's self-proclaimed number 1/only Australian fan, I have always had a soft spot for the crazy Jackson clan. Therefore, Dannii's cover of the Jacksons' "Show You The Way To Go" was always going to be irresistable to me. Which is lucky because everyone else seems to despise the song.

Watch - Show You The Way To Go

22. Mighty Fine (Neon Nights, album track)

Zip a de day, just sail (your troubles away)

The first time I heard "Neon Nights", the song that really stood out for me was "Mighty Fine". The only reason for its low placing is the simple fact that I've played it 3000 times and need a rest. "Mighty Fine" reminds me of the slow disco classics of the late 70s, with its full sound and dreamy lyrics. A slice of pop heaven!

21. Coconut (Girl, single - #62 Aus)

Doctor, is there nothing I can take
to relieve this bellyache?
Now let me get this straight

"Coconut" reminds me of the Sydney gay scene. In fact, I heard it twice last night! It's pure dance trash but that's exactly why I like it. And what other song can boast its own drug taking game?!

20. This Is The Way (Get Into You, single - #27 UK, #45 Aus)

Alone in a crowd in a city
Searching for love

"Get Into You" is probably my least favourite Dannii album but it did have some great singles. I love the faux American pop vibe of "This Is The Way" and the video is pure gold.

19. Vibe On (Neon Nights, album track)

Jump on top it
Sit right on it

When confronted with trashy, low class individuals like Robpop who claim that Dannii is nothing but a cheap imitation of Kylie, I always bring up "Vibe On". Kylie wouldn't sing a song about her vibrator if her life depended on it, even though she probably has a bigger collection than Dannii. "Vibe On" sums up all of Dannii's best qualities - her sense of humour, the fact that she doesn't take herself too seriously and her love of plastic cock. What more could you want in a pop star? Dannii explains the song by maintaining that it is really about sitting on speakers - bitch, please.

18. Boogie Woogie (Japan only single, #1 Japan)

You know you made a difference in my life
You came along and eased my troubled mind

I love Dannii's brief stint as Japan's leading dance diva. "Rescue Me" is fabulous but "Boogie Woogie" gets my vote due to its distinctively Euro sound. Whigfield would be jealous of this little gem. It's that good!

17. It’s Amazing (Girl, album track)

It’s only when the night descends upon me
That I realise no one can take your place

"It's Amazing" is one of Dannii's most gorgeous ballads. This is Xenomania at their absolute best. The production is a delight, with beautiful strings, heavy breathing and subtle electronic bleeps. This is one of the many tracks from "Girl" that cried out to be released as a single. "It's Amazing" is a romantic treat.

16. I Don’t Wanna Take This Pain (Love & Kisses, single - #40 UK, #92 Aus)

If loving you is wrong
Then wrong has got to be right

You either love R'n'B Dannii or you hate it. I obviously love it and in my opinion, the rap duel towards the end of this song is one of the most glorious moments in Dannii's entire catalogue. I particularly love the 12" version, which is the closest Dannii will ever get to sounding like SoulIISoul!

15. Jump To The Beat (Love & Kisses, single - #8 UK, #48 Aus)

Embrace the good things in life
Come on and dance with me

I much prefer the original Australian version of "Love & Kisses" to the English version, with one exception - the poptastic "Jump To The Beat". The song was a desperate ploy to spark some interest in the UK and it worked a treat, making #8 in the charts. "Jump To The Beat" is irresistable bubblegum pop.

14. Perfection (The Hits & Beyond, single - #11 UK, #13 Aus)

I’m aching inside
I’m aching inside for you

You could not go into a Sydney gay club last year and not hear "Perfection". The first time I heard it, I thought the song was cheap and cheerful trash. However, it has grown on me immensely and I now realise that Dannii has unleashed yet another pop masterpiece. The video is priceless. I'm sure Dannii filmed it on her camcorder during one of her many trips to Ibiza!

13. Success (Love & Kisses, single - #11 UK, #26 Aus)

Tell me are you ready
Really really ready for success

I think "Success" is a great song but it has a deeper meaning as Dannii's declaration of intent. In fact, I think of "Success" as Dannii's personal anthem. She had her sights set on pop stardom and nothing was going to stand in her way. Well, apart from Kylie and a couple of hundred holidays. I'm so happy that Dannii is now experiencing success as the queen of UK club music and as a judge on Australia's 4th most watched show.

12. Don’t Wanna Lose This Feeling (Neon Nights, single - #5 UK, #22 Aus)

I said some things
That did not ring true

The fourth single from "Neon Nights" was a blast of 100% pure pop fun. The mash-up with Madonna's "Into The Groove" is brilliantly done and Dannii looks like a goddess in the video. A rare example of a record company getting everything right. AATW, please take note.

11. Get Into You (Get Into You, single - #36 UK, #79 Aus)

I don’t want your love
I want your soul instead

"Get Into You" sounds more like early 90s En Vogue than Dannii Minogue. It should be awful but it's actually rather sublime. I think Dannii's voice suits this sound surprisingly well. In fact, I think Dannii should revive freestyle as her next project! I've uploaded a club mix to balance out the R'n'B flavour.

10. Begin To Spin Me Round (Neon Nights, single - #2 UK, #14 Aus)

You’re a sinner but you told me you’re a saint
Too fast I tripped and lost my way
Can’t believe what’s happened to me lately

I truly believed that this would be Dannii's first #1 hit. As one of the best songs of this decade, it deserved to sit at the top of the pop charts. The song is hot in its own right but mashed with Dead Or Alive's "Spin Me Round", it is utterly perfect. The video is also superb, particularly when Dannii cuts off her hair. I've uploaded the excellent extended version.

9. Love & Kisses (Love & Kisses, single - #8 UK, #4 Aus)

You’re the kind of girl
That I want to keep
We ain’t at McDonalds
So what’s your beef?

Danni's debut single was an absolute corker. I remember running to buy the 7" single, which came with a fold out poster that had pride of place in my bedroom for years. The lyrics are adorable and Dannii is definitely not "the plain Jane type"! An Australian pop classic.

8. Feel Like I Do (So Under Pressure, B-side)

I want your number baby
So write it down on me

I still can't believe that something as brilliant as "Feel Like I Do" ended up as the B-side to "So Under Pressure". What the fuck? From the opening piano/keyboards to the killer chorus, this song screams out to be a single. This is the gravest pop injustice since Kylie's "Tightrope" ended up as a shitty bonus track. I'm still mad!

7. So In Love With Yourself (Girl, album track)

So in love with yourself
How could you love somebody else?

This was my favourite Dannii song for many a year but I think I've played it a couple of thousand times too often. "So In Love With Yourself" is about as classy as dance music gets. The vocals, the melody and the production are all gorgeous. Fuck, Kylie even sings back-up! If this was released as the second single from "Girl" instead of "Everything I Wanted", the album would have stood a much greater chance of success. As it is, this stunning anthem remains a fan favourite.

6. For The Record (Neon Nights, album track)

It’s just a thirst
And I’m drunk on the addiction

"Neon Nights" really is an amazing achievement. The album just gets better with age and I continue to find new favourites. "For The Record" is a slice of disco heaven. There hasn't been anything quite this fabulous since the 80s. I don't think "For The Record" was ever considered as a single and in all honesty, it doesn't have the edge of an "I Begin To Wonder" or "Put The Needle On It". Instead, "For The Record" exudes fun and warmth. Like Dannii, this song just gets better with age!

5. Come & Get It (Neon Nights, digital single Germany)

If tonight is going right
Move in a little closer

J.C.A. should be legally obliged to work on every Dannii album. The man behind "I Begin To Wonder" created what has to be the most spectacular "hidden track" in musical history. "Come & Get It" is an insanely catchy floorfiller, which works brilliantly as a straight-up pop song. I sincerely believe that Dannii threw away a #1 hit. Oh well.

4. This Is It (Get Into You, single - #10 UK, #13 Aus)

I’m lost for words, I’m in a daze
Stunned and amazed by your open ways

Dannii's cover of Melba Moore's "This Is It" was her first big Australian hit after a string of flops. I remember how great it was to have Dannii back on Video Hits and Rage. The video even became a much spoofed phenomenon and I can remember the steps to the tacky dance routine to this very day. There is nothing subtle or original about "This Is It". It's just good, old-fashioned, gay-as-all-fuck pop music! I've included Dannii's live interpretation for the "25 Years of Mushroom" concert.

3. Am I Dreaming? (Girl, album track)

Can you hear me, hear me calling?

"Girl" is such a quirky pop album. If Dannii's detractors ever took the time to actually listen to it, I'm sure they would be impressed. "Am I Dreaming?" has aged remarkably well. The song sounds as fresh today as it did 10 years ago. "Am I Dreaming?" is not your average piece of dance-fluff. The lyrics are thoughtful and the melody is drenched in melancholy. It really is a very impressive achievement.

2. Who Do You Love Now? (Neon Nights, single - #3 UK, #15 Aus)

And it’s hard to break a habit

Dannii revived her career with this dark and brooding dance epic. I was living in Europe when "Who Do you Love Now?" was released and I was floored to hear Dannii on a German radio station. Dannii was not only back on the charts but was suddenly a cutting-edge dance diva with a sexy, new dyke-tastic hairstyle. Dannii has since made a habit of re-interpreting instrumental club hits but she is yet to match the brilliance of "Stringer". This is as good as dance music gets. Check out the French version of "Who Do You Love Now?".

1. Party Jam (Love & Kisses, album track)

Hey yo listen up
My name is Dannii
It’s time to get loose to my
Brand new Jammy!

Shut up. I love it! I know "Party Jam" is not the best song in Dannii's catalogue of hits but it is my favourite. When I purchased "Love & Kisses", I didn't know what to think of Dannii's solo material until "Party Jam" came blaring out of the stereo. I was instantly smitten. To my 10 year old ears, Dannii's rapping made her the coolest woman on the planet. Obviously, I have since realised that "Party Jam" does not exactly count as gangster rap. I still believe that Dannii does not get enough recognition for how unusual it was for an Australian pop act to combine urban elements at that time. As usual, Dannii was decades ahead of her time. It took Kylie until 2003 to go down the same path with "Body Language" - some 13 years later.

Neon Nights: The B-sides

I have already returned to the deep well of the "Neon Nights" sessions several times for one simple fact - they generated an amazing quantity of stunning pop music. I assume that everyone already owns a copy of "Neon Nights". If you don't it is your duty as a pop fan to order one today. The album is sublime, the leaked tracks have been dynamite and the B-sides are top shelf pop. No wonder Dannii had so much trouble deciding what to put on the album, the sheer volume of excellent music is positively overwhelming.

I have already posted "Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore?", which was the "I Begin To Wonder" B-side in France. The other B-sides are just as outstanding. I've included "Hide & Seek", "Nervous", "Goodbye Song" and the excellent "Neon Nights Megamix" for your listening pleasure. I have also thrown in "Don't Wanna Lose This Groove (Extended Bootleg Mix)" for the lovely Jeroen. It is the best recording Madonna has been involved in since the late 80s. I think my personal favourite is "Nervous", which shows Dannii at her fierce and fabulous best.

Unreleased Dannii - By Way Of Denise Lopez

The "Neon Nights" sessions were such a fertile period in Dannii's career that the vaults of London Records are positively bursting with unreleased Dannii material. Some of the songs have finally started to leak, while others have been re-recorded and used by other acts. One such act is the Swedish sensation, Denise Lopez. Denise not only got her hands on two of Dannii's fabulous rejects but somehow got Dannii to sing back-up vocals on one of them.

The tracks in questions, "Karma Sutra" and "Sex Dice", are both excellent and both written by Dannii. "Karma Sutra" is the song that features Dannii on backing vocals and sounds like a slightly more poptastic version of "Vibe On". "Sex Dice" is even better. I love the tacky lyrics about rolling "a 6 and a 9". Classy. This song is so Danniitastic, I can almost picture her singing it! Both songs would have slotted in nicely with the other tracks on "Neon Nights" due to their catchy beats and slutastic lyrics. If only Dannii had released something akin to the hyper-edition of Kylie's "Fever", which included all the B-sides and other goodies. Instead, Dannii's hard work has passed on to delightful lady pictured above. I'm not sure what the Denise Lopez story is, all I know is that she comes from Sweden and releases Dannii's sloppy seconds. I love her already!

A big thanks to Blogland's most infamous Dannii hater, Robpop, for sending me the tracks. We all know he has a secret Dannii shrine hidden away behind his sling and harness!

Oh No, She Didn't!

It's hard to believe that an international style icon like Dannii could ever leave the house looking anything less than perfect. It may be almost impossible to believe, but Dannii has her share of bad hair days and run ins with the fashion police. Here are some of the moments that remind us that Dannii is human after all.

There really is no excuse...

Not even Dannii can pull off ginga serial killer chic

Put down the pipe, darlin'

The last time Dannii hires Deirdre Halliwell as a stylist

We know you like fish fingers but is that any reason to wear a tracksuit?

Dannii auditions for "Showgirls 2"

Dannii's Second #1 Japanese Hit!

One of the most curious phases of Dannii's brilliant career is her brief stint as the queen of Japanese dance as a result of her collaborations with Eurogroove. I have already posted the delicious "Boogie Woogie", which climbed all the way to #1 in Japan. Now, with thanks to Brian, I am able share Dannii's other collaboration with Eurogroove, "Rescue Me". Like "Boogie Woogie", "Rescue Me" was a #1 Japanese hit and Brian tells me that all of Japan was completely paralysed with Dannii-mania on its release! Oh, to have experienced consecutive #1 Dannii hits!

The song is not quite as bubblegum as "Boogie Woogie" but it is a seriously fun slice of 90s dance pop. Dannii needs to call up the guys from Eurogroove and beg them to work on her next album. They were obviously onto something. "Rescue Me" reminds me of Kylie circa "Let's Get To It". Something about this song demands the waving of a glow stick! I've also included the craptastic remixes. Thanks again, Brian!

Dannii's Fabulous Rack

One of the many things I love about Dannii is her inability to keep her clothes on. Dannii is keeping the nude model/pop star flame alive, following in the footsteps of living legends like Sabrina Salerno, Tatjana, Samantha Fox and La Toya Jackson. For that she deserves our respect and admiration! I love Dannii's nude spreads to the point where I'm worried about being some kind of latent heterosexual. It's not the nudity that fascinates me, rather it is the pin up girl kitsch, which does not appear to have changed since the days of Bettie Page. This post is an appreciation of Dannii's services to perverts the world over. We salute you!

B-Sides: The Hits & Beyond

The "Hits & Beyond" era has not been blessed with the plethora of amazing B-sides that marked the singles from "Neon Nights". However, they are worth checking out, if only for the seriously brilliant "Feel Like I Do". It boggles the mind how something as quality as "Feel Like I Do" could end up as the B-side for "So Under Pressure", while shit like "Love Fight" somehow makes it onto the album. Are the Minogue sisters under some kind of bizarre curse which results in their best material ending up in the trash? Think of Kylie's divine "Tightrope" and fabulous "Good Like That". Don't even get me going on their unreleased material. That's another post all together!

Unlike "Feel Like I Do", the B-side to "Perfection" belongs in the reject basket. "I've Been Waiting For You" is not a bad song, in fact I quite like it. The problem is that it sounds like every other dance record released by AATW in the past couple of years. That's not a bad thing by any means. It's just not up to Dannii's lofty artistic standards.

The Ultimate Gay Icon

One of my friends recently asked who I considered to be the ultimate gay icon. I told him that no one even comes close to Judy Garland. After some eye rolling and a caustic comment about Judy only being an icon for 80 year old fags in nursing homes, he asked who I, as a 20 something year old gay man, find to be the ultimate modern gay icon. I thought about it for thirty seconds and said "Kylie". He nodded and we moved on to bitching about Lindsay Lohan's fabulous rehab escapades. Over the past few weeks, I have pondered this most important issue and I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. Once again, Kylie has unwittingly snatched what belongs to Dannii. In this post I will do my best to explain why I feel that Dannii deserves the illustrious title of "the ultimate gay icon".

The starting point for any serious discussion on gay icons must begin with the great Judy Garland, whose holy presence lingers in the hearts and minds of ancient queens and the more discerning poofters of today. The reason for Judy's role as the godmother of all gay icons is complex. On a completely superficial level, Judy sang camp showtunes (the disco music of the 40s, 50s and 60s) and ballads that appealed gay men. On a deeper level, there was a sense of tragedy about Judy. She had a drug problem, an eating disorder (well before it was fashionable) and a tortured family life. This gave Judy an air of vulnerability which must have struck a deep chord with homosexuals at a time when being gay was a criminal offence. Judy's gay pedigree does not stop there. She married a gay man (Vincent Minnelli) and then set her daughter up with another cock jockey, Australia's very own Peter Allen. If that wasn't enough, Judy died from a drug overdose on the toilet, making her the patron saint of beat sluts, and her death is seen as one of the catalysts for the development of the gay rights movement after the Stonewall riots that took place on the night of her funeral. Basically, Judy wrote the book on gay iconography and I will rely on her as the blue print of what a gay icon should be.

It is important to examine whether the characteristics that defined Judy's role as a gay icon still resonate today. In order to do this it is helpful to look at the evolution of gay icons over the past few decades. In the 1970s the void left by Judy's passing was filled by amazing women like Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, Cher and Bette Midler. The traits that defined Judy could just as well apply to these women. They have all shown amazing longevity, versatility and worked in "gay friendly" musical genres - be it cabaret, showtunes or disco. Like Judy, they are all survivors and triple threats (singer/actor/dancers). However, as the gay rights movement expanded and evolved, a shift occurred in the characteristics that we searched for in a gay icon. While Judy was defined by her frailty, these women are characterised by their strength and outrageousness. It seems that gay men were still intrigued by performers they could personally identify with but were also looking for people with characteristics they could aspire to. It must have been difficult to be out and proud in the 1970s but I'm sure seeing Cher appear at the Oscars in a transparent dress or watching Bette fellate her Golden Globe Award on national television may just have given some men the inspiration they required to do something as outrageous as publicly admit that they were into cock.

The symbiotic relationship between the evolution of the gay community and the icons we chose to honour continued well into the 1980s with the arrival of Madonna and the Minogue sisters. The "Judy criteria" of longevity, versatility and choice of musical genre well and truly apply to these women. All three are in the third decade of their careers, have changed their image more times than they have eaten carbohydrates and have dedicated themselves to the dancefloor. The latter day criteria of strength and an outrageous sensibility are also easily met. Madonna is the modern archetype of a strong woman, Kylie must have skin made of teflon to have survived the media slaying she received in the early 1990s and Dannii has persevered through decades of being a media punchline. As far as outrageousness is concerned, Madonna spent the 1990s flashing her snatch, Kylie turned wearing a scrap of lycra into an artform and Dannii has flashed her tits for every Men's magazine in the western world. All three women have also embraced the gay community to an unprecedented extent for mainstream acts.

Sadly, these women appear to be the last of a dying breed. No artist has come along since the 1980s that deserves to be mentioned in the same sentence as the luminaries from yesteryear. Celine is a crime against humanity. Mariah deserves a firing squad. Britney is a filthy blight on modern day culture. Whitney has no teeth. Beyonce is as boring as recycled cardboard. Perhaps society has reached a point where it is now so blase about homosexuality that we no longer require people to look up to. Maybe the ladies of the past have simply raised the bar too high. In any case, it follows that the ultimate modern gay icon must be one of these three women.

Up until this point, I have tried to apply an objective test (the "Judy criteria") to modern day gay icons. Ultimately, however, the winner will be determined via subjective elements. For example, an American queen who grew up listening to the material girl is much more likely to identify with Madonna, while someone who experienced Minogue-mania in the late 1980s may see more of themselves in Kylie. Of the three finalists, Madonna is the easiest for me to exclude. I admire Madonna's longevity but find it difficult to identify with a woman who preaches religion and jets to the third world for a spot of baby shopping. Try as I may, I can't be inspired by a woman who seems to be made of cold steel. That leaves us with the prodigious Minogue sisters.

Kylie is much harder for me to dismiss. She is my favourite singer. I love every hair on her pretty head (and even those in other places). I admire Kylie's ability to even show her face in public after her media assassination in the early 1990s, while her recent relationship and health woes have given her a touch of the vulnerability that made Judy such an enduring force. In order to decide between these two worthy candidates I returned to the definition of the word "icon".

An icon (from Greek word for "image") is an image, picture, or representation; it is a sign or likeness that stands for an object by signifying or representing it.

Extrapolating this definition for our purposes, a gay icon is quite simply a person who represents poofs. Applying this test to the Minogues, Dannii displays characteristics that are, in my opinion, far more representative of the gay community than Kylie's. Kylie is like a porcelain doll with a titanium interior. She is a workaholic, who has made everything happen through endeavour and sheer dedication. Kylie is a little bit too sensible. A little bit too mainstream to represent an edgy minority group. It might seem vaguely ridiculous to exclude Kylie due to her well adjusted nature and success but Dannii's laissez faire nature is what, in my opinion, seals her spot as the ultimate modern gay icon.

I firmly believe that Dannii is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Her commitment to gay issues has been unwavering from the very beginning of her career. Unlike Britney and Christina, who jump on and off the gay bandwagon as it suits them, Dannii has worked her butt off for the gay community through her role as spokeswoman for World AIDS day, her services to Mardi Gras and most importantly, by being a full time fag hag. Every Sydney queen old enough to remember Dannii's post "Girl" sojourn in Australia will have a Dannii war story to share. For a period in the late 1990s, Dannii was out and about on the Sydney gay scene almost every weekend. Dannii's "lollybags" are the thing of legend, her role as the Queen of Frisky remains fresh in my memory and the hilarious time she was chased across the dancefloor of the RHI by a drag queen threatening to slap her with a rubber chicken is one of the defining moments of the Sydney gay scene in the 90s.

Dannii's commitment to the gay community is not, of itself, enough to grant her the title. There are also the characteristics that Dannii shares with Kylie and Madonna. Her longevity, her versatility and her ability to reinvent herself. However, I would argue that the characteristics that distinguish Dannii from Madonna and Kylie are more important. Unlike those women, Dannii is not a workaholic. Her life is not dictated by a burning desire to rule and conquer. In fact, Dannii just wants to have fun, even if it is detrimental to her career. Dannii represents the creative souls littering the gay scene, who are bursting with potential but can't find time away from their busy clubbing schedule to do anything with it. To put it in perspective, while Kylie was slaving away touring and actually promoting and releasing records, Holidannii was snorting coke from someone's tits, while being double dicked by a couple of studs on her luxury yacht in the Mediterranean. I know who I would prefer to be! Dannii lives for a good time and is constantly in the moment. Lezzigate is good example. Dannii felt like some hot pussy action, so she went to a strip club and had a good time. Dannii doesn't care what people think. Dannii redefines fierce. Those are qualities that I aspire too.

If a gay icon is truly someone who represents the gay community, then Dannii - with all her good qualities and flaws - is surely it. Other gay icons act as projections of what we would like to be. Dannii is a reflection of who we are. She is not perfect and doesn't pretend to be. Dannii wants to live in the moment and have a good time. Dannii is slightly ridiculous and she knows it. Dannii is a walking, talking embodiment of gay sensibilities and the ultimate, modern gay icon.

Holidannii's Theme Song - Trip

Hopefully, the technical glitch that turned Dannii's Dirty Box into a proverbial dog's breakfast has been fixed. I'll remember not to post youtube clips in the future!

So, who watched "Australia's Got Talent"? It was so wonderfully tacky - I couldn't get enough of it! Dannii looked absolutely divine and managed not to make a complete tit of herself. I loved the acrobatic dogs and the tranny, Miss Imma Star, who sang Ethel's disco version of "Everything's Coming Up Roses". I was devastated that the other tranny, Issen Laurent (get it?), didn't get through. I loved her amazing song, "I'm your candy sailor boy". What a disgrace!

I guess I should get on with the music. The subject of today's dose of Dannii is something very close to Dannii's heart - going on holidays. Dannii has become so famous for her love of travel that she has earned the nickname "Holidannii"! Just check out Teetoo's lovely postcards. I particularly like Dannii with the camels!

"Trip" appeared on 2005's "Departure Lounge - World Grooves" album and is credited to "Thriller J presents Dannii Minogue". I can't say that the song is essential Dannii but enthusiasts will want it in their collection and it does make for pleasant background music. "Trip" is worth downloading just to hear Dannii sing "I love trips"!

Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore? French Dannii!

"Je vais venir" and "Va te faire foutre" demonstrate the extent of my French knowledge - despite 6 years of school French and several years living 20 minutes away from the French border. Well, that's not entirely true. I can order a drink and make inane small talk but the fact remains that my French is pretty fucking shit. Therefore, it comes as a massive surprise that I not only understand most of Dannii's French version of "Who Do You Love Now?" - "Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore?" - but also find it absolutely irresistible. Dannii's collaboration with Riva would have to be one of her smartest moves, as the song reignited her career in Europe and Australia. I'm not sure why she decided to re-record the song in French and use it as a B-side for the French "I Begin To Wonder" single but I'm most glad she did. I absolutely love it. A big thanks to Mr Froggy for sending me the file!

In order to generate some healthy sibling rivalry, I've also included Kylie's stunning French version of "Confide In Me", which originally appeared on the Canadian edition of "Kylie Minogue". Hopefully, a French speaker will comment on their respective accents. I'm interested to hear how good (or how tragic) they really are. To my non-expert ears they both sound heavenly!

Dannii's Amazing Film Debut

Sometimes I'm positively blown away by the depth of Dannii's talent. Is there anything this fabulous woman can not do? Dannii's music has touched millions of hearts since the 80s and her nude photo shoots continue to provide perverts arounds the world with jerk off material. Astonishingly, when Dannii isn't in the recording studio, getting her tits out or sunning herself in Ibiza, she manages to squeeze in the occasional television and film role. Many of us grew up watching Dannii play bitchy Emma on "Home & Away" and her brilliant acting was honoured with a silver Logie Award nomination in 1988. However, it is Dannii's feature film debut that captures her most accomplished performance.

"Secrets" is a gorgeous little film set against the Beatles' infamous 1964 Australian tour. The film follows a group of teenagers who are thrown together and accidentally locked in a hotel basement after the Beatles' arrival sets off a minor riot. Imagine "The Breakfast Club" set in the 1960s and you have a fairly good idea of what to expect. Dannii steals the entire movie as Didi, a 13 year old slut who runs away from the convent (!) in the hope of fucking Paul McCartney. Did I mention that Dannii was in her mid-20s when the film was shot? If Dannii playing a 13 year old Lolita, who carries around a bag of dolls and claims to have mastered astral travel, doesn't have you salivating - then you have no pulse!

It's no exaggeration to say that Dannii was robbed of an Oscar. The scene where she frantically searches the basement for a toilet before squatting in a corner had me on the edge of my seat, while her lonesome rendition of "Love Me Do" and dialogue about wanting to meet the Pope brought tears to my eyes. "Secrets" provides Dannii with an opportunity to display the full extent of her amazing acting talent and the result is electrifying. Hire yourself a copy tonight!

Put The Line In The Coconut

"Coconut" is Dannii's most tragifabulous pop moment. According to Dannii, she was inspired to cover the song while waiting in a doctor's surgery after being bitten by an insect. Apart from the refrain of "Doctor!", I don't really see the connection between the song and Dannii's terrifying medical emergency, but that's beside the point. Dannii was moved to record "Coconut" and it ended up as the hidden track on Dannii's criminally underappreciated third album, "Girl". I find the very concept of hidden tracks baffling, but releasing the hidden track as a single is simply bizarre.

In fact, just about everything about "Coconut" is crazy. The song was released as the fourth single from "Girl" in Australia well after the album was dead and buried, without a video and with even less promotion than usual. There is a video clip that plays on high rotation in Sydney gay bars but that is a fanmade montage of old material. It's not that unusual to release an underpromoted single but the quality of the the song's tracklisting is. "Coconut" contains the brilliant "Everybody Changes Under Water", "Someone New" - the mammoth 9 minute plus Japanese bonus track, as well as several rare mixes of "Heaven Can Wait". The excellent "Someone New" would have to be one of Dannii's most stunning B-sides. Its omission from the album is an utter disgrace. While "Heaven Can Wait" is one of the many fabulous tracks Dannii recorded with Xenomania before they went shit and starting working with Whores Aloud and unloaded the stinking "Giving You Up" on poor Kylie.

On its release, "Coconut" limped to #62 on the Singles Chart but became an instant gay classic. I still hear the song almost every time I go to a club. There is even a popular drug taking game, which takes the lyric "put the line in the coconut" quite literally. Not that I have any knowledge of that kind of outrageous behaviour. In any case, "Coconut" is still being played and enjoyed almost a decade later - no small feat for a song that failed to make the top 50.

The Dannii Gallery - Fabulous Fan Art

During my years as a Dannii fan, I have become increasingly wary of Dannii's somewhat demented "fanbase" which seems to comprise of crazy homosexuals and fat fag hags obsessed to the point of insanity ("the droids"). I personally believe that the sun shines out of Dannii's delightful arsehole but I do still have some perspective, which is more than can be said for the droids. For example, I acknowledge that Dannii's career has been on the skids since joining AATW and I am aware that Dannii spends more time on holiday than promoting her floptastic singles.

Thankfully, there are still some Dannii fans with a sense of humour. One of the most fabulous is the brilliant artist otherwise known as MoistSexBox. I've collected some of my favourite fan art, the majority (if not all) of which was created by Mr Box. I love the references to Dannii's holiday habits (Holidannii!) and the mysterious Dannii goose. I wonder if you can eat it! However, I think my favourite might be "Dann-ra" pointing her finger at Kylie on stage, although the piss take of "Success" should be hanging in the Louvre too!

Boogie Woogie - Dannii's #1 Japanese Hit!!

"Boogie Woogie" is brought to you with thanks to Robpop. Lord only knows how many hours I'm going to have to spend on my knees repaying him for his kindness! Give Rob a thrill and check out his scandalous post on Kylie's divine "Light Years" at YouCallThatLife. I'm quite certain Rob must have been drugged to the teeth when he compared "Please Stay" to a Geri Halliwell B-side, but these great tracks more than make up for that usually unforgiveable slight!

Dannii collaborated with Eurogroove in 1995 for their Japanese greatest hits album at a point in time when her career was going nowhere fast in Australia. The result was two #1 Japanese hits - "Rescue Me" and "Boogie Woogie". Unfortunately, I don't have "Rescue Me" but from memory it has nothing on the camp brilliance of "Boogie Woogie", which is the closest to Whigfield that Dannii will ever sound. Rob also sent a couple of cheesy remixes that I had never heard. However, I have a feeling that they will be on high rotation at my place for quite some time to come.

Beginnings - Young Talent Time

When I say that I have been a fan of Dannii’s for as long as I can remember, I mean it quite literally. Some of the nicest memories from my childhood involve sitting down to watch “Young Talent Time” with the entire family. For those who are not familiar with the show, “Young Talent Time” was a weekly variety hour in which children would sing current chart hits and old pop favourites. I can only imagine how awful the show would be if it were made today. There would throngs of stage mums and pretentious little cunts talking about “following their dream” and “making it happen”. Back then, the stars of the show were completely oblivious to stardom and social mores were such that no one blinked when 10 year olds sang ballads about love-making! “Young Talent Time” was something of an institution by the mid-1980s when I started watching it, having been popular since the early 1970s. During its run the show unearthed some formidable talent – Debbie Byrne, Tina Arena and of course, Dannii.

It must be difficult for people who live outside Australia to imagine a time when Dannii ruled the Minogue roost and Kylie was the designated family joker. However, that was case before Kylie joined the cast of “Neighbours”. Growing up in Australia in the 1980s, Dannii was the coolest kid on the planet as THE star of “Young Talent Time”. Dannii transfixed a generation with her raunchy outfits, big hair and cutting-edge song selection, crossing over from being a mere television personality to being a bona fide pop culture icon. The boys at my (primary - I'm not that old!) school were in love with Dannii and all the girls were envious of her astoundingly voluminous perm. Dannii’s halcyon days came to an abrupt end in the late 1980s when “Young Talent Time” began to decline in the ratings and Kylie’s fame skyrocketed. In the years since “Young Talent Time”, Dannii has obviously gone on to bigger and better things - becoming an international pop superstar and universally praised actress. However, in my eyes Dannii will always be the girl who electrified television audiences with her vast array of sequined bubble skirts and dodgy hairstyles.

I’ve included some of my favourite Dannii YTT performances for your viewing pleasure:

Belle Of St Mark

I love this clip of Dannii covering Prince’s “Belle of St Mark”. The song is preceded with a skit about how much Dannii loves Prince, eating purple hamburgers and purple bread out of devotion to him! It's just too cute.



Open Your Heart

Dannii shows Madonna what “Open Your Heart” should sound like! This clip is pure magic. Dannii appears to be wearing the ugliest dress of the 1980s in some kind of tragic jungle setting. Too fabulous for words!



Ring Ring

Kylie covered “Dancing Queen” in the 90s but Dannii turned in the first ABBA cover version by a Minogue, when she sang “Ring Ring” on "Young Talent Time" a decade or so earlier. Dannii sure did know how to select songs by gay icons.



Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

I still remember this performance like it was yesterday. Dannii and Kylie teamed up for a duet just as Kylie-mania was sweeping through Australia like wildfire. The sisters recently teamed up to sing “Kids” during Kylie’s Australian and UK tour but their defining moment together is this cover of “Sisters Are Doin’ For Themselves”. Those glorious perms and silver dresses! I still can’t believe that Kylie ever sounded like such an Ocker. Her accent is hilarious. The clip is also interesting as it clearly demonstrates Dannii’s superior vocal and dancing ability. Kylie has done some serious work to become the peerless stage performer that she is today.