Youtube Goodies

I would hate to think how many hours of my life I have wasted, wading through fabulous crap on youtube. It never ceases to amaze me what you can find if you are desperate enough to keep looking. Here are some of my favourite Dannii related clips:

• Kylie & Dannii perform "Kids" together. Dannii totally steals the show with her blazing talent and unbridled sex appeal! - watch here
• Dannii mimes "Who Do You Love Now?" brilliantly on German TV. Dannii has never looked so alluring! - watch here
• Tranny Dannii sings "So Under Pressure" at an English beach party - watch here
• Dannii sings a medley of hits live on "Sunrise". "Put The Needle On It" sounds surprisingly good live. Shame about the dancing - watch here
• A biting "I Begin To Wonder" spoof. I love the part about being haunted by Kylie's butt. Classy! - watch here
• Gina Riley's fabulous Dannii impersonation, singing "Famous Sister" - watch here
• Kylie surprises Dannii at GAY nightclub - watch here
• My favourite Dannii video is without a doubt "This Is It". I have even been known to do the dance routine when sufficiently intoxicated. Sad but true. Note that Julian McMahon is looking sexy as always - watch here
• MaryCherry, fabulous NZ drag queen and Don'tStopThePop contributor, throws it down to Dannii's "Perfection". MaryCherry is the diva in the middle. That is some seriously hot fan action, Aaron! - watch here
• It's time for some mash-ups! I love this: Dannii Vs Garbage. It actually sounds rather good - watch here
• "Got To Be For The Record" mashes Kylie's "Got To Be Certain" with Dannii's "For The Record". I like it alot. The clip is rather lovely too. The people making these things should be working in the industry - watch here
• "Got To Be Love & Kisses" another Kylie Vs Dannii match. Dannii wins! - watch here
• The best mash-up, rather surprisingly, is Dannii Vs Justin Timberlake with "Like I Spin You Round". This clip is a thing of beauty and the song is great. In fact, it's better than most professional mixes. My only qualm is Kylie's cameo singing "Can't Get You Out Of My Head"! WTF? But who cares, I still want an MP3! - watch here

If you just have time to watch one clip, make sure it is this. The first time I saw this, it literally took my breath away. This is so fundamentally wrong on so many levels that I now consider it to be a work of utter genius. Dannii sings "Hakuna Matata" to a group of starving, disinterested children in Africa. They may not have food but they sure were entertained!

Don't miss: Dannii performing Hakuna Matata

Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore? French Dannii!

"Je vais venir" and "Va te faire foutre" demonstrate the extent of my French knowledge - despite 6 years of school French and several years living 20 minutes away from the French border. Well, that's not entirely true. I can order a drink and make inane small talk but the fact remains that my French is pretty fucking shit. Therefore, it comes as a massive surprise that I not only understand most of Dannii's French version of "Who Do You Love Now?" - "Est-ce que tu m'aimes encore?" - but also find it absolutely irresistible. Dannii's collaboration with Riva would have to be one of her smartest moves, as the song reignited her career in Europe and Australia. I'm not sure why she decided to re-record the song in French and use it as a B-side for the French "I Begin To Wonder" single but I'm most glad she did. I absolutely love it. A big thanks to Mr Froggy for sending me the file!

In order to generate some healthy sibling rivalry, I've also included Kylie's stunning French version of "Confide In Me", which originally appeared on the Canadian edition of "Kylie Minogue". Hopefully, a French speaker will comment on their respective accents. I'm interested to hear how good (or how tragic) they really are. To my non-expert ears they both sound heavenly!

Singing Soap Stars - My Top 24 Countdown!

Top 24 Australian Soap Star Countdown

Australia must be the world leader when it comes to soap actors turned pop stars. Despite the fact that pop is almost an underground genre in the current Australian music scene, there is still no shortage of bad actresses hoping "to do a Kylie" and for that I am eternally grateful! This countdown is not meant to be an exhaustive list. I can think of at least another 10 actors who have briefly dabbled in pop but I either can't track down their music (eg. the lovely Abigail and Laura Vazquez) or simply don't want to (Israel Cannon and Guy Pearce). That said, this collection is pretty comprehensive, covering at least 7 television shows and the who's who of Australian soap stars!

1. Kylie Minogue (Neighbours)

Kylie was not the first soap star to discover pop music but she is by far the most successful and influential. In fact, Kylie's career has been the blue print for all who have come after her. Unless you have been living in a bubble for the past 20 years, you will of course know the Kylie fairytale. Initially starting as a guest star on the flop soap "Neighbours", Kylie's alter-ego Charlene went on to become the most popular character in Australian TV history. Who will ever forget Charlene breaking into Madge's house, Scott and Charlene's wedding or their departure for Queensland? Bless that fabulous 80s perm! The most endearing part of Kylie's journey to pop stardom is the fact that it all happened by chance. Unlike the bitches who came after her, she didn't join the show as a marketing exercise. Kylie was simply at the right place at the right time. As the story goes, Kylie sang an impromptu rendition of "The Locomotion" at a charity event and Michael Gudinski thought he might be able to score a novelty hit for Mushroom records with her. The rest is pop history!

I've included "Look My Way", one of my favourite songs from Kylie's debut album. The other songs have all already appeared in different threads on this Blog.


2. Dannii Minogue (Home & Away)

Dannii doesn't really meet the criteria for this countdown because she was already a pop star when she joined "Home & Away" as the rebellious but lovable goth, Emma. However, Dannii did use the show as a platform to re-launch her music career. It was during her time on "Home & Away" that I really became a Dannii fanatic. The show is filmed about 15 minutes away from where I used to live and I regularly found the idea of watching Dannii walk around Palm Beach more interesting than going to school. Enjoy Dannii's amazing debut single, "Love & Kisses" and a selection of other Dannii material that I have already featured.


3. Melissa Tkautz (E Street, Pacific Drive)

Regular readers will know exactly how obsessed I am with Australia's reigning queen of trash, Melissa Tkautz. This woman is too fabulous for words - Melissa's shameless publicity whoring, role as a pre-mature ejaculation spokeswoman and employment as a gay solarium manager have made her a trash icon. Melissa began her career on "E Street" and became an instant fan favourite. It wasn't long before Melissa tried her hand at a pop career and her debut single hit #1 on the charts and because the highest selling Australian single of that year. Unfortunately, things were all downhill from there.


I was devastated to recently learn that Melissa's new album has been scrapped. However, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she's embarks on yet another failed comeback! I've included Melissa's number 1 hit, the brilliant "Read My Lips" and a selection of other Melissa tunes that have appeared on this Blog.


4. Jason Donovan (Neighbours)

Poor Jason. It must have been hard to go from every teenage girl's (and many boys) heartthrob to looking like a 55 year old, homeless serial killer. Jason might look a bit frightening and has lost all dignity by appearing in crappy UK reality TV shows, but his place in the soap star hall of fame is assured. Given everything that has followed, it is easy to forget just how massive a star Jason was in the late 80s and just how good his Stock Aiken Waterman output really was. Here are a couple of reminders:


5. Holly Valance (Neighbours)

I worship Holly Valance. Not only is her brief but amazing musical career a trash lover's wet dream but her subsequent forays into movies and television have been equally as brilliant. I think the thing I love about Holly the most is that there was absolutely no pretence about her move into (and out of) pop. While the likes of Dullta and Natalie Imbruglia did everything to market themselves as serious artistes, Holly was busy getting her gear off and appearing semi-naked in videos and men's magazines. In fact, there was almost something old fashioned about the way that Holly launched her musical career on the strength of a pretty face and a nice pair of tits! Holly's first album, "Footprints", was pretty average but very successful. Ironically, her follow up, "State Of Mind", remains one of the best pop albums of naughties but failed miserably. The next time you see Holly play a corpse on "CSI" or a stripper on "Prison Break", play these songs and remember her glorious pop career.


6. Toni Pearen (E Street)

Toni is the poor man's Melissa Tkautz and current host of "Australia's Funniest Home Videos". Toni began her career on "E Street" and after seeing the success of Melissa's debut album, decided to follow in her footsteps. Toni is as boring as bat shit but her album, "Intimate", is top shelf pop and includes a handful of great singles. "I Want You", "In Your Room" and "Walkaway Lover" were all hits but "Intimate" flopped. Toni has yet to record a follow-up, but I live in hope!


7. Bec Cartwright (Home & Away)

I think I'm the only person who enjoyed Bec's brief stint as a pop star. Released at the same time as Dullta's "Innocent Eyes", Bec Cartwright's debut album flopped miserably in comparison. However, the former "Home & Away" star, and currrent Mrs Lleyton Hewitt, produced the far better album! "All Seat's Taken" was a pretty awful first single but the rest of album is a banquet of wonderfully corny pop music. Bec needs to stop popping out babies and make a comeback. Enjoy this selection of Bec "hits" that I have previously posted.


8. Gayle & Gillian Blakeney (Neighbours)

Gayle & Gillian Blakeney were part of the post-Kylie gold rush that seized the "Neighbours" cast. For a while there, every cast member except Mrs Mangel and Bouncer took off for England to record a single! The Blakeney twins actually made quite a fabulous pop duo. They released a couple of flop singles but their gorgeous cover of Prince's "Wanna Be Your Lover" remains a pop classic. Enjoy!


9. Tammin Sursok (Home & Away)

Tammin is one of the most recent "Home & Away" stars to try her hand at pop. Tammin went for the pop-rock sound that has taken hold of the American music scene. In fact, Tammin's debut album sounds awfully similar to the likes of Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. Only, it was actually quite good. Tammin's record company dumped her after the failure of her third single, which strikes me as being incredibly short sighted. She is currently shacking up with a middle aged television executive in Hollywood, so expect to see Tammin playing a corpse on "Without A Trace" in the near future! I've include my favourite Tammin song, "Whatever Will Be". The original is a kooky ballad but the remix is poptastic! I believe that the skanky American ho, Vanessa Hudgens, stole this song for her debut album.


10. Stefan Dennis (Neighbours)

Firstly, I need to thank the gorgeous Deirdre Halliwell for sending me an MP3 of Stefan's 80s classic, "Don't It Make You Feel Good". We all know and love Stefan as the evil Paul Robinson from "Neighbours". Like Jason, Gayle & Gillian, Craig McLachlan and Madge & Harold (!), Stefan was part of the post-Kylie Neighbours pop explosion. Stefan scored a top 20 UK hit with "Don't It Make You Feel Good", which makes him one of the more successful "Neighbours" pop-wannabes. I love this!


11. Craig McLachlan (Neighbours)

Check out that mullet! And I used to think he was sex on legs. Good grief! Craig took a slightly different route to pop stardom than his "Neighbours" colleagues. Instead of flying to UK, Craig assembled a band "The Check 1, 2" and tried to market himself as a rock star. It didn't work. That said, "Mona" was a big hit in Australia and I'm ashamed to say that I kind of like it! Craig has dabbled in music ever since, appearing in a musical with Dannii Minogue and even recording a duet with Debbie Gibson!

12. Michala Banas (Always Greener, McLeod's Daughters)

Michala is a strange example of a soap actor embarking on a pop career. She appeared on the very short lived soap opera, "Always Greener", and released a pop single almost simultaneously. The show and her single both flopped but she made enough of a name for herself to find work on several other programs. "Kissin' The Wind" is actually rather fabulous. Written by Meredith Brooks of "Bitch" fame, I get the feeling that someone shelled out quite a bit of money on Michala's brief pop career. It would have been interesting to hear a whole album of her material, I think Michala had potential.


13. Abi Tucker (Heartbreak High, The Secret Life Of Us)

Abi will be a familiar name for soap fans, having appeared in just about every soap opera to be screened on Channel 10. Abi has been around for years and is apparently still working on her music. Abi's debut album, "Dreamworld", is without a doubt the most original album released by a former soap star with its rambling lyrics and bizarre musical landscape. Abi's "Australian Kate Bush" sound is really not my thing (at all) but she definitely has a devoted cult following. The least unnerving song on her album is the ballad, "Move You". This is a chorus away from actually being quite good.


14. Belinda Emmett (Home & Away)

Belinda sadly passed away recently after a long battle with breast cancer, which was first diagnosed while she was starring on "Home & Away". It was during this time that Belinda decided to focus on music as well as acting. I have a feeling that Belinda might have released some solo material at the beginning of the decade but I could be mistaken. I know that she was definitely working on a solo album at the time of her death, tracks from which can be downloaded from her husband's website. I've decided to share something a little less morbid but equally heartbreaking. Belinda's duet with Marcia Hines, "Shower The People" is almost eerie in the aftermath of Belinda's death. This beautiful song is one of the highlights of Marcia's album, "Hinesight". Watch the video here.


15. Bruce Samazan (E Street, Neighbours, Home & Away)

Bruce has appeared on the holy trinity of Australian soap operas, which is an achievement in itself. However, it was as Max on "E Street" that Bruce first came to fame. For a while there, Bruce was the heartthrob of choice for teenage girls (and myself!) and as was par for the course in those days, decided to have a go at music. The results are so appalling that they defy belief. Bruce's spectacularly awful rap songs will go down in history as some of the worst examples of music ever recorded. I love both of his crapfests dearly!




16. Gina Riley (Kath 'n' Kim)

Gina doesn't really belong in the countdown because she has never embarked on a pop career and has not been in a soap opera but she makes the grade due to her long association with the Minogues and her amusing musical career. Gina Riley is best known today as Kim, from the comedy series, "Kath 'n' Kim". However, Gina began her career on "Fast Forward", sending up music videos. One her great masterpieces is "Famous Sister", a biting take on Dannii's "Love & Kisses". Watch the clip and take note of Jane Turner (Kath from "Kath 'n' Kim") as one of the mini-skirt wearing backing dancers!


Of course, Gina's most recent Minogue experience is Kylie's cameo as Kim's grown daughter on the season 3 finale of "Kath 'n' Kim". My favourite part is the "Red Blooded Woman" karaoke! Gina has dabbled in music over the years, most often with the adorable Bob Downe. I've included Bob & Gina's cover of "Guilty" from Bob's "Greatest Hits". Streisand fans will never be the same again!


17. Emily Symons (Home & Away)

Emily is best remembered in Australia for playing the ditzy Marilyn on "Home & Away". I have a feeling she ended up on a British soap, but I could be mistaken. Emily's Jimi Hendrix cover version is surely one of the most misguided soap star attempts at pop music. This song comes from the "Farmland" collective which also featured Georgie Parker and Nudge from "Hey Dad"! There is just something so wrong about this that I appreciate. I may be the only one, though.




18. The Cast Of Neighbours

One of my most cherished belongings is the Neighbours cast album from 1989, pictured above. I love dragging this masterpiece out every Christmas, much to the annoyance of my family and friends. Anne Charleston & Ian Smith (Madge & Harold!) scored a #75 UK hit with a novelty Christmas song but their most fabulous recording is "Christmas Caring" for this album. The song begins with a throaty spoken intro from Madge herself before turning into a truly remarkable crapfest about spending time with your neighbours. It's amazing!




19. Natalie Imbruglia (Neighbours)

Natalie, the least talented of the Imbruglia sisters, came to national stardom on Neighbours and has been busily trying to pretend it never happened ever since. I don't mind Natalie but as far as singing soap stars go, she's pretty boring. That said, she does have her moments. I still like "Torn" and it is pretty hard to deny that "Shiver" is one of the loveliest singles of recent years. However, she really needs to ask Laura for some songwriting tips.


20. Stephanie McIntosh (Neighbours)

Jason Donovan's half-sister, Stephanie, is the most recent soap star to try her hand at music. I think she sounds like the poor man's Tammin Sursok but some people are obviously buying her music because her album has done reasonably well. Like Tammin, Stephanie sounds like she's channelling Hilary Duff. Her debut single, "Mistake", is rubbish but I like the remixed version of her follow-up, "Tightrope".


21. Georgie Parker (A Country Practice, All Saints)

One of the most amusing things I have ever read appeared in Georgie's weekly column in a certain well known women's magazine last year. Georgie took it upon herself to comment on Jessica Simpson's cover version of "These Boots Are Made For Walking". Georgie rightly stated that Jessica's version is complete shit but the nerve of the woman is quite astounding given the dire nature of her own attempt. Georgie was also part of "Farmland" with Emily Symons but Emily sounds like Maria Callas in comparison to Georgie. This is almost unbearably awful, but also rather amusing!


22. Russell Crowe (Neighbours)

People tend to forget that Russell began his career in 1987 with a brief appearance on "Neighbours" as Kenny. It is quite amazing how many big stars cut their teeth in Ramsay Street. When he's not beating up people with telephones and winning Oscars, Russell plays small pubs with his quite appalling band, "30 Odd Foot Of Grunt". Russell's music is so tragic that I actually kind of enjoy it on some masochistic level. Watch Russell in a rare non- 30 Odd Foot Of Grunt appearence, singing a duet with the lovely Marcia Hines at the Australian Film Industry Awards. Marcia certainly does get around!

Watch - Russell Crowe & Marcia Hines


23. Natalie Bassingthwaite (Neighbours)

I don't have anything nice to say about this dreadful old cunt. Apart from making "mutton-dressed-as-lamb" attire an artform, this dire bitch is good for nothing. If you think the Rogue Traders stink, wait until your eardrums are raped by this cover of "Don't Give Up" with Australian Idol reject, Shannon Noll.


24. Delta Goodrem (Neighbours)

Dullta is a walking pro-abortion advertisement. If Mrs Goodrem had just made use of that wire coathanger, the world would be a better place and poor Kerry Katona would still have a husband. Dullta's entire output has been vile with the exception of "Predictable", which I begrudgingly admit to liking. The cunt probably stole it from Holly Valance's locker in the "Neighbours" change room!

Kylie's Live Album

"Showgirl Homecoming - Live" hits music stores in the UK tomorrow and in order to celebrate Kylie's first live album since 1998's "Intimate & Live", I thought I would post a selection of Kylie's most spectacular live and acoustic moments. I can't wait to get my copy of "Showgirl Homecoming - Live" in the post. The concert itself was brilliant and the album should showcase the stunning creativity and effort that went into the show.


I'm also excited because they recorded one of the concerts I attended (read my slightly hysterical review). I was at the concert where Kylie & Bono performed "Kids" - so one of those screaming queens in the audience is me! The album also contains Kylie's much hyped "White Diamond", which strikes me as a waste of a fine song. I guess that's the end of "White Diamond", at least as far as a single release is concerned. It would not be the the first time that Kylie has scrapped a winner, as some of these fabulous offerings prove.

1. Dancing Queen

Kylie covered ABBA's "Dancing Queen" for her "Intimate & Live" concert tour and performed the song at the closing ceremony of the 2000 Olympic games. I'm sure that Kylie's closing ceremony performance will be the first and last time that trannies are celebrated at an Olympic event! Kylie's version became an instant fan favourite and promos were sent to radio. I would have loved Kylie to record a proper studio version but her live interpretation is fabulous enough.

2. Put Yourself In My Place

"Put Yourself In My Place" is not one of my favourite Kylie songs despite the brilliant video and a handful of excellent remixes. However, the song comes alive when Kylie sings it live and this acoustic version, taken from the Australian re-release of "Kylie Minogue", showcases Kylie's voice and the sweet fragility of the song perfectly.

3. Physical

Ok, I'm cheating! This version of "Physical" is neither live nor acoustic, but it was recorded as a bonus for the Australian tour edition of "Light Years" after featuring prominently in Kylie's "On A Night Like This" Tour. It has become a tradition for Kylie to pick out a new gay classic to cover for every tour ("Dancing Queen", "Crying Game", "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" etc) and I was beside myself when I realised Kylie had re-worked Olivia Newton-John's "Physical". I do wish Kylie had been a bit less creative and not re-arranged the song to quite this extent but it definitely worked in concert and this studio version has grown on me over the years.

4. Automatic Love

Talking about wasted songs, "Automatic Love" is another great Kylie song that somehow slipped through the cracks. Well, not really. It did make the cut for "Kylie Minogue" but with a bit of tinkering it could have made a great single. I would have preferred it to the BIR butchering of "Where Is The Feeling?". Sometimes I think Kylie should release two versions of every album, the standard version and the scrapped material. I don't think anyone in the music industry has wasted so many brilliant tunes as B-sides and bonus tracks over the years. "Automatic Love (Acoustic)" is dripping in new ideas and remains one of the many great reasons to buy "Hits+". It is a light and breezy delight.

5. Should I Stay Or Should I Go

"Intimate & Live" was such a vibrant and experimental show. I really can't believe it was almost a decade ago! Who else but Kylie could effortlessly cover ABBA and The Clash in the one show? Her version of The Clash classic "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" is great. The "Intimate & Live" show almost followed a pub rock format and this song fit in brilliantly. In fact, "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" almost brought the house down!


You can buy "Showgirl Homecoming - Live" from most online retailers. I ordered mine from Amazon.

10 Craptastic Kylie Covers!

Kylie is quite possibly the 8th wonder of the world. Never before has so much goodness been contained in such a little package. While we wait for Kylie's long awaited return to the world of pop, I thought it would be fun to share a selection of Kylie classics that have been destroyed by a variety of musical legends, nobodies and has-beens. I have selected 10 cover versions which display the range of artists who has been inspired by Miss Minogue or who have simply done their best to cash in on her success. I left out a couple of notable covers, particularly Steps re-make of "Better The Devil You Know" (because I hate it) and Mandy Smith's attempt at "Got To Be Certain" (because I believe she actually sang it first). I'm sure there are many more, so please post a comment and let us know what else is out there!


1. Your Disco Needs You - Kelly Marie & Tina Charles

Kelly Marie and Tina Charles were two of the leading ladies of English disco. I love them both dearly and intend to devote entire posts to both of them. However, there really is no excusing the musical abomination that is their duet re-make of "Your Disco Needs You". How did it come to this, ladies? I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry! This is so tragic, yet I would be a complete liar if I said I didn't like it. So fabulously awful, it has to be heard to be believed!


2. Giving You Up - Zeigeist

This cover version was posted on the brilliant Catchy Tunes Of Sweden Blog. I loved it from the first listen and this is probably the only cover that improves on the original. That might sound like sacrilege but I think "Giving You Up" is one of the worst singles Kylie has ever released. It sounds too similar to the rubbish being churned out by Girls Aloud. Zeigeist, on the other hand, have made it their own with their avant-garde approach. I don't know anything about this band apart from the fact that they are Swedish and wear weird uniforms on stage. Great stuff!


3. Hand On Your Heart - Jose Gonzalez

I have already dedicated an entire post to rubbishing this horribly pretentious cover by the Swedish James Blunt. Yes, he really is that bad! The less said, the better. Fuck off back to Sweden, you silly cunt.


4. Better The Devil You Know - Kia

Kia is one of the cheap tarts on the Almighty roster. You know what to expect from an Almighty mix and this doesn't disappoint. Yes, it's craptastic and nasty but I like it. Grab your disco whistle and get dancing!


5. Confide In Me - Nerina Pallot (B-side to "Sophia")

Nerina is one of those annoyingly over-hyped English singer/songwriters. That said, I found her anti-war anthem strangely catchy and I like the fact that she was dropped by her previous record label after rubbishing them on the internet. Classy! Nerina's cover of "Confide In Me" is pretty faithful to the original. It's pleasant but not in the same league as Kylie's spine-tingling classic.


6. Come Into My World - Vina Uyen My

Vina is a saucy Vietnamese diva, who apparently released a cover of "Come Into My World" at almost the same time as Kylie. This is a demo version that was originally posted on PopEatsPop. Vina's version is actually rather lovely. Most excitingly, Vina has released a breathtaking video clip - which basically involves Vina putting on litres of make-up and trying on jewels! I love the camp dance routine! Watch it here.

7. Who Do I Have To Screw (The Fanny Fartin' Legs A Partin' Original) - Deirdre Halliwell

Check out my review of Deirdre's amazing new album, "Twisted Bitch", for my thoughts on this number. Let's just say, Kylie fans will never be the same again after listening to this little ditty! I hope you don't mind me posting this, Deirdre!


8. The Locomotion - The Smurfs

No, I haven't forgotten about Little Eva. However, this is most definitely a cover of Kylie's version. I love the Smurfs (yes, I am a nerd at heart) and one of my favourite trashy records is their album of 80s covers! I actually think this is rather excellent. Leave me alone, I never pretended to have any taste!

9. Out Of My Head - Deirdre Halliwell

Yes, Deirdre is the only artist fabulous enough to offer up two tragic Kylie covers. This is another mind-boggling effort from Scotland's living treasure. You have been warned!


10. I Believe In You - Jacquii Cann

I've left the best until last, Jacquii Cann's so-unbelievably-bad-it's-brilliant cover of "I Believe In You". This song is an instant cure for depression, if Jacquii can land a recording contract with those croaky pipes, there's still hope for us all. A work of trashtastic genius that belongs in every Kylie fan's collection. Bless you, Jacquii. I'm gagging for your next "hit"!

Kylie - I still love you (et je sais pourquoi)!

Showgirl Homecoming 12th November - Review

It would kind of pointless for me to write an hysterically overwrought review of Kylie's "Showgirl Homecoming" without first placing the event in some kind of context. I feel like I have always known Kylie. With the exception of her fabulous sister, I can't say that about any other celebrity or performer. "Neighbours" was my after school TV show of choice and Charlene was obviously my favourite character. Mostly due to the fact that she wore men's overalls, yet still managed to have an immaculate perm. Charlene was also one tough bitch, arriving in Ramsey Street and breaking into Madge's house! Yes, I remember Kylie's first episode on the show.

Kylie instantly clicked with me, mostly because I felt sorry for her being stuck in Dannii's shadow. Stop laughing, it's true! Back in the day, Dannii was THE preferred Minogue and probably the coolest teenager on the planet. I used to watch in amazement as Dannii rocked "Young Talent Time" week in/week out with her scintillating Madonna covers and gravity defying teased fringe. Everything changed one day in the late 1980s when, to the amazement of just about everyone, Kylie appeared in the top 10 with "The Locomotion". I bought the song with my pocket money the next day and have purchased every release since.

I can't logically explain the overwhelming sense of affection I feel towards Kylie, apart from saying that she was the soundtrack to my childhood and adolescence. I think I can tie in just about any event in my life with a Kylie song or album. I got bashed at a school camp for wearing an "Enjoy Yourself" t-shirt, the first time I went to a concert without adult supervision was Kylie's "Rhythm Of Love" extravaganza at the Entertainment Centre and my first Mardi Gras in the mid 1990s had Kylie as the special guest performer. I guess, Kylie also played a big role in my coming out. In the mid 90s Kylie was considered to be about as cool as Nicki Webster. And like that demonic redhead, Kylie's fans seemed to be exclusively gay or female. Saying you were into Kylie was as good as publically declaring that you were into cock!

Then there are the funny Kylie memories, like attending the lauch party for "Did It Again" on Oxford Street, which sounded impressive but turned out to be four trannies doing the dance routine from the video in the middle Hum Records. Back in the day, Kylie was positively underground! I remember going to line up for tickets to "Intimate & Live", the tour that accompanied "Impossible Princess" in Australia, with my friend Chris. Such was the state of Kylie's career at the time that we didn't bother arriving until an hour before Ticketek opened, assuming we would be the only tragic queens there. To our amazement, we turned into Elizabeth Street and were greeted by a line of fans that stretched down several blocks.

Kylie has not only accompanied me through the years but also across several continents! When I was living in Germany, I was lucky enough to see a Kylie show in Hamburg just as her international career was taking off again. Kylie played her upcoming single "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" to a rather indifferent audience. That version was more guitar based than the synth drenched cut that would become a classic and sounded rather ordinary at the time. In 2000, I visited with a friend who was doing a university exchange in Georgetown and to our surprise, we stumbled into "Kylie night" at a Washington gay bar on my first night in the city.

Enough of my boring life story, the point of this post is the Kylie concert experience and I have, somewhat impressively, managed to completely ignore it. I feel guilty to say that I was underwhelmed by the past couple of tours - but fuck it, I was! I admired the artistry and style of the "Fever" tour, which I saw several times when I returned to Australia. My only gripe was the overwhelming need to be ironic and clever. Some of Kylie's natural charm went AWOL. My favourite moment of 2005 was going to see "Showgirl", again in Hamburg, with my friend Barbara. Despite some great moments, I felt that the show was missing something. Indicative of what was to come, we noticed Kylie crying between songs towards the end of the concert. We all assumed she was simply overcome with emotion. In retrospect, I think Kylie had been feeling like shit for some time and really had to push through those last few European dates. Hence, the workman-like performance.

We all know what came next, with the Australian leg of "Showgirl" being postponed for well over a year. The first few weeks of Kylie's illness were awful and it was strange to feel so concerned about someone you don't even know. I didn't record myself singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" acapella and send it to Kylie (like some mental Delta fans - who I really should name and shame - did for their hideous icon) but she was on my mind. I followed the treatment, diagnosis, poured over the pictures, tuned into her first interview, turned a blind eye to that horrible children's book and recently, as reported, bathed in "Darling". When the tour was announced, it felt like something had come full circle.

Last night's concert had a strange symmetry to it in a number of ways. I went with Chris, my "Intimate & Live" friend, and the concert was staged at the Entertainment Centre, the same place I saw Kylie's "Rhythm Of Love" tour back in the early 1990s. However, times had definitely changed. This time around my friends weren't concerned about buying booze with fake ID but with concealing vials of G and smuggling in their crack pipes (yes, I mix with a classy crowd!). Most of the audience was still out from the night before - and still out of it! With loud snorting sounds coming from every cubicle in the bathroom, sweaty guys clinging to water bottles and dancing manically to ballads, the evening was beginning to feel more like a dance party than a concert.

And then Kylie finally appeared on stage like a beautiful doll in her ridiculous head dress and the outrageous comments that only bitchy queens can muster ("What's this show called again, love?", random voices: "The Oncology Tour, doll", "Kylie's Greatest Tit Show, girl") gave way to excitement, affection and ultimately respect. "Showgirl Homecoming" is an overwhelming visual feast and a vast improvement over the original concert. It's fun, irreverent, artistic, clever and ambitious without ever trying too hard. Kylie doesn't get lost in the sets, costumes or clever references. This show is all about her personality and vision. Kylie has finally let her guard down and gives her fans the "ultimate Kylie" experience.

Here is a slightly edited version of an inebriated review I posted last night at Toy's Haven when I stumbled home (there is an off-topic, it's not all La Toya!):

"Showgirl Homecoming" takes the "Showgirl" experience to a whole new level. The opening act is still slightly dodgy due to that annoyingly stilted version of "Better The Devil You Know" that marred the first concert but the rest of the show is absolute heaven. Here is a very quick recap because I'm drunk, tired and have to be at work in about 4 hours. My highlights:

• Hearing the new song, "White Diamond", which Kylie wrote with the Scissor Sisters. Think "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" meets "Comfortably Numb". The chorus is gorgeous and goes something like "I'm your white diamond and I'll burn for you". Don't quote me on it though, because I'm not exactly sober. Jake could also be heard on the backing tape, so I assume the song has been recorded. It needs to be released ASAP because it smells like a hit.
• The Andy Warhol inspired "factory" sequence was amazing. I don't think many people will get the Warhol reference (favourite crowd comment - "Someone's stolen Delta's wig from the ARIAs!") but it doesn't matter. The 90s rave party setting was a joy. This segment also included, to my complete and utter amazement and delight, clips from "Do You Dare?" and "Keep on Pumpin' It"! The song with the best fan reaction was "Shocked".

• The bizarre Indian puppet dance segment with Kylie dressed as a genie, dancing with men in white robes was stylish, classy and evocative. Kylie included a lot of songs from "Impossible Princess" in this segment, including a brilliant rendition of "Cowboy Style". "Too Far" got the biggest crowd response, which was most pleasing because I thought no one would remember it. Indie Kylie lives on!
• The gay porn segment - ie "Red Blooded Woman" - has been gayed up to an even greater extent (I didn't think it was possible either!). The dancers still have their shower and work out but this time there are massive screens with men in underpants twisting around in boxes and the gayest exercise routines I have ever seen! The semi-naked men doing push-ups on each other seemed to go down well with the kids and straight couples and got all the gay boys hot and bothered. It really was like gay porn to a Kylie soundtrack... now there's an idea!
• The first half of the show ended with a special appearance by Bono, who sang "Kids" with Kylie. The response was so intense, I thought the building would collapse. This was also memorable due to the old queens in front of us saying - "God, Jason Donovan's got fat"! I think the whole Robbie Williams phenomenon has entirely passed them by (half their luck!). Here's a clip of the duet for your viewing pleasure!

• The second half began with her cover of Judy Garland's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". I've always maintained that this song should only ever have been performed by Ms Garland. I found Kylie's rendition painful in the last concert because it was an "I'm so clever with my gay references" moment as opposed to a heartfelt interpretation. This time around I believed every word and the song was incredibly touching.
• A big shock was the Madonna tribute in the segment which appears to be influenced by Kander & Ebb musicals. Kylie sings the rap in "Vogue" and does the dance routine. The tribute was brief but sweet and fits in well with the rest of the concert. The best reaction in this section of the concert was for "Dreams", which sounded positively otherworldly. I loved the prevalence of "Impossible Princess" numbers.
• "Hand On Your Heart" was an upbeat dance number this time around, not that irony laden, dub remix crap that Kylie did in "Showgirl" last time. It was probably my favourite moment UNTIL Kylie sang "Turn It Into Love"! I almost cried. It has to be one of my favourite Kylie songs and it was great to hear it live. I have to pull out "Kylie" and give that song a spin.
• The encore involved an AMAZING rendition of "Light Years", which was a much appreciated addition. The whole "thank you for flying KM air" was gorgeous! "Light Years" appears to have taken the spot of "Your Disco Needs You" which is fine by me. The only other missing songs that I picked out were "Please Stay" and "In Denial". Apart from those mentioned above, other additions include clips from "Finer Feelings" and "I Guess I Like It Like That".

In conclusion, "Showgirl" was much improved and extremely fabulous. I bet the Kylie/Bono duet appears on youtube within seconds because about 10,000 people were recording it on their phones. I'm devastated I left my camera at home but I'll take some shots at the next show. The concert was as close to perfect as I've seen - the only way it could have been improved would be with a La Toya duet or at least a cover of Sexbox. I'm tired and emotional - good night!