La Toya Jackson is one of the patron saints of Pop Trash Addicts - as the multitude of posts devoted to Queen Toy clearly attest. I've had a couple of queries about some of the Toy terminology that I use, so I have decided to put together a La Toya Dictionary. As La Toya's new single, "Armed & Famous", is apparently ready to hit radio and propel La Toya to international superstardom, there is no time like the present for a little La Toya education!
La Toya Dictionary
Amy – Ja-Tail’s technologically challenged secretary.
Baby Sister – A formal nickname for La Toya’s sister Janet. Stems from La Toya’s 1986 song about Janet, called “Baby Sister”.
Back door – La Toya’s anus. This term became popular with Toy Soldiers after La Toya sang about rubbing her big back door in “Just Wanna Dance”.
Chicken Fajitas – La Toya’s favourite vegetarian meal.
The Church – An abbreviation for The Church of La Toya, which is the spiritual home of La Toya fans.
Do a chest-to-chest – A reference to lyrics in “Just Wanna Dance”. Literal meaning is to rub one’s breasts against someone else’s breasts in a sexual manner.
Feel somebody’s funk – To be attracted to someone. A reference to La Toya’s debut single, and Dutch top 20 smash hit, “If You Feel The Funk”.
Front door – La Toya’s vagina. A reference to lyrics in the song “Sexbox”.
Get correct – A reference to lyrics in La Toya’s New Zealand mega-hit “You’re Gonna Get Rocked”. Another way of saying “wisen up”.
Gordon Years – The years La Toya spent married to Jack Gordon.
Ja-Tail – La Toya’s useless record company – which has still managed to not release a single commercially available item in 5 years.
Ja-Tail Gate – The scandal that ensued when a Toy Soldier discovered that Ja-Tail’s office is a post box.
Jack Gordon – La Toya’s psychotic and abusive ex-manager, who is currently burning in hell.
Janft - Janet Jackson
Jeffre Phillips – La Toya’s incompetent manager and rumoured gay husband.
Manet – Janet Jackson. This nickname brings attention to Janet’s masculine appearance.
Manita Ho – A play on Janet Jackson’s middle name, Damita Jo. This nickname brings attention to both Janet’s masculine build and the fact that she is a slut.
Toy Toy, The Tranny & Manita Ho Psychic Toy – References to La Toya’s reputed psychic power and supernatural abilities come from La Toya fronting a psychic hotline.
Put someone in check - A threat of violence. This is another reference to "You're Gonna Get Rocked".
Rub one’s big back door – A reference to the lyrics in “Just Wanna Dance”. Means to rub one’s buttocks in a sexual fashion.
Sexbox - La Toya's vagina. A reference to lyrics in La Toya's Dutch smash hit "Sexbox".
Throw it down – La Toya claims to be “throwin’ it down with a new sound” in “You’re Gonna Get Rocked, meaning to “show what one’s got”.
Toy – A more formal version of La Toya’s nickname.
Toy’s Haven – La Toya’s fan chatroom.
Toy Soldiers – La Toya’s fans.
Toy Toy – La Toya’s nickname. Fans use it as a term of endearment.
Toygasm – An orgasm experienced while reading about, watching or listening to La Toya.
Toygate – The scandal that followed La Toya claiming that Michael Jackson was a child molester.
Toyriffic – Terrific but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.
Toytacular – Spectacular but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.
Toytastic – Fantastic but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.
The Tranny – Michael Jackson. A reference to Michael’s cross-dressing antics.
Trial Toy Toy – A reference to La Toya's fabulous publicity whoring antics at Michael Jackson's trial.
The Universal Love Of La Toya – The original place of online worship for La Toya fans.
Walls – La Toya’s vaginal opening. A reference to lyrics in La Toya’s Euro-house classic “Sexual Feeling”.
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