Lorenz Is So Wrong, Yet So Right!

Lorenz is surely the trashiest act to score a UK top 40 hit this year. Everything about Lorenz is so wrong, yet so irresistible to a tragic bitch like me. The cheesecake covers are gloriously tacky, his euro-dance sound brings back memories of the "Venga bus" and his nude billboard publicity whoring surely makes him the Sabrina of the naughties! And then there is the cherry on the top - the fact that Lorenz was discovered at an all male review...by Kerry Katona!





According to Lorenz, he is "massive" in Italy. Strangely, my Italian friends have never heard of him. Anyway, if he's not massive in Italy - he should be. This kind of talent comes along once in a generation! I'm not the kind of person to spread unfounded rumours - who am I kidding - but there are rather loud whispers that Lorenz also has an alternate means of income as a male escort. Lorenz, if this is true, I volunteer to test out your services and write a detailed review. I'll even do it for free! Knowing my luck, he's probably married with 5 children.



I guess I should drag myself out of the gutter long enough to mention Lorenz's camp musical output. Lorenz kicked off his English language career with a cover of "Turn The Beat Around". It's not exactly up there with Gloria Estefan's cover or Dannii's pseudo cover ("Perfection"), but I love it! Cheap synths, poor production and reed thin, accented vocals - HEAVEN! Lorenz followed "Turn The Beat Around" with "Set Me Free", his UK top 40 hit. The homosexuals must have been out in force that week because this shit is camp. It's more soulless dance. I can't get enough of it! The other notable thing about "Set Me Free" is the disturbing cover - Lorenz is an attractive man but he has been so airbrushed on the cover that I initially thought it was some kind of digital animation. What went wrong?!

Lorenz is best enjoyed as a visual experience, so check out the cheap but cheerful videos for "Turn The Beat Around" (the dancing is so gay, it brings tears of joy to my eyes!) and "Set Me Free". Thankfully, Lorenz does not appear to own a shirt! Lorenz also appears in various states of undress on his website.





Say hello if you share my passion for all things Lorenz! I'd love to know just how "massive" he is in Italy and what his Italian material sounds like. Oh, and if you've hired Lorenz, tell us if you got enough bang for your buck!